I used to love Sundays - the one day the whole family was home and we had our Sunday night family dinner together. Today, is Sunday and I am hating it. While we are existing in the house for another month, that's it - existing. It makes me so sad.
I went to church this morning, kepy myself busy with house chores and our best couple friends just stopped by. It all just made me more sad rather than feel better. It sucks that down time is no longer enjoyable. I know...I know...GAL. Easy to say, tough to get a life you don't want.
We are having birthday dinner for son and my father in law later today at restaraunt my wife manages. I know I need to go for my son's sake, but I will be acting the whole time.
Very bad day today. And to make it worse it seems like wife is in no way sad that a 21 year relationship is ending. Yes, she feels bad for kids, but is excited about leaving me. I HATE that.
UGGG!!! Talking to you is painful, you don't listen and you don't take advice and you apparently don't want to change.
Yes your wife probably isn't sad that a 21 year relationship is ending if this is how you're going to be always.
Tough getting a life you don't want - maybe.
Tough having a life you don't want - definitely!
And that's how your wife feels right now, are you able to see that? The life she currently has with you isn't what she wants. But because you still want it as is, she should want it too? Is that your logic? Why should she want it if you want it?
She wants someone different, someone exciting, someone who isn't boring, predictable, someone who isn't easy - easy isn't exciting.
As for the trip thing, of course she's going to go & enjoy a trip and it isn't because of the family. She's gotten past the point of feeling responsible & obligated to your family - if she still felt that way about your family, I'm sure she wouldn't make this decision. She's going on the trip with you & the kids because it's one last item at your expense and she figures "why not!" Seriously, her opinion of you is someone who is quasi pathetic, trying to buy her love with trips & money and by doing so you're demonstrating that you are low value to her and she is high value now, she's picked herself up from where she was and determined she deserves better. She has no problem using you for a trip or money or anything else like that because she doesn't respect you enough to take your feelings into account, if she took your feelings into consideration, she probably wouldn't go on the trip, she would have the thought of "I can't go on this trip with him, he's going to think it means something that I'm coming and I don't want to mislead him" but she is way past that, she is at the point where she's thinking "free trip, awesome! separate rooms, awesome! a vacation on his dime, awesome! I'm moving out after the trip, awesome! awesome! when is he going to get a clue LOL!"
You're sitting on these forums complaining about how bad life is and she's tired of that wussy unattractive behavior as well. You said it yourself:
"...And to make it worse it seems like wife is in no way sad that a 21 year relationship is ending. Yes, she feels bad for kids, but is excited about leaving me. I HATE that. "
This says a few things: - she should feel different, she should feel the way I think she should feel (controlling) - she is excited about leaving me, I hate that (I can't control her life and my life is spiraling out of control) - a 21 year relationship apparently means something to you, what does it mean that your wife doesn't share that feeling, is it because she feels like she is escaping a life with you that she possibly considers is a prison of some sort? When a person is excited about leaving another person, what does that say about the relationship? What does it say about you that you are apparently clueless as to how bad the relationship is that you still want it but she doesn't? Have you looked at your relationship objectively and really identified all of the bad things that made it into what it is today?
I'm not asking you to take responsibility for her actions.
I am asking you to take responsibility for your actions.
I am asking you to start doing things differently in your life if you want different results.
I am asking you to stop making excuses as to why you can't do a certain thing or things to change the direction of your life and the relationship you're in.
I am asking you to be consistent in your actions and not give up after 3-4 hours, days, weeks, months, etc.
