Am I at this stage?

[Lll54]

Well, I officially failed. I failed at making boundaries. I dunno, there is too much hope in me to make these stupid boundaries! I'm a wreck. We had an awesome day yesterday with the kids. It was so much fun. We got along great. He called me "babe", which is something he always used to do. He flirts with me like crazy. We went trick or treating to my sis's house and she has this poster on her wall of jerry seinfeld and Chris made a comment that he wanted it for "our" house. All these friggen comments and mixed signals are driving me crazy! We were driving around trick or treating and since a month and a half ago we were in the middle of building a house we always comment on house colors. Well yesterday he was making comments on house colors like it nothing has happened! I am soooo confused! We then went and got take out and put the kids to bed and ate our food and watched the hockey game. You could tell he was sooo tired. He kept commenting on going to bed cause he's so tired. But just wouldn't! He complimented me probably like 5 times yesterday. Compliments on my body, hair everything! We hung out and watched t.v till like 1am. He finally said "I reaally need to go to bed" So he got up and said goodnight and went to the spare room" He called me in a few minutes later, so I went to the doorway and he asked me if it feels weird to me too sleeping in different beds and being in the same house. I said of course! It bothers me to no end. And he agreed and said it bothers him too. But that was it! So I said goodnight and he replied. And I went to bed. We hung out this morning before he had to leave at noon to play hockey. It was fun, we played with the boys.

Now why did he stay over? Nobody really knows. We didn't even discuss it. A week ago he had to stay for good reason. Last night? I'm not sure. It just happened. He just keeps dropping these frustrating comments. He was sitting on the couch with our littlest boy and asked me to come see this mark he had on his chest, so I went over and sat with them. Looking at his mark, realizing it looked like the beginning of eczema. Anyways, our eldest boy got jealous and came and jumped on too. So we were all sitting together on this couch and the boys were really in our space. And H makes the comment that he's being overcrowded. So I apologized and got off and he's like "no! not you! the boys!" He was making a joke about the boys jumping on us, but was sad when I got off. Ugh. So he got ready and left for hockey and said he'd call after the game. I just don't know what to do. 2 weeks ago, this definitely wasn't happy. I take our progress positively. But there is only so much I can take. Its so hard when he's here, and complimenting me, and called me "babe", I just want to grab him and hold him. Sometimes I feel like he tries to provoke me to say something. Like he's waiting for me to ask what is happening with us. He'll sit there and look at me and I don't say anything and he looks kind of frustrated. But I'm waiting for HIM to say something! I dunno. I'm a pile of nerves today, and frustrations, and tears. I haven't cried in over a week, and I can't quit crying. I just want my husband home full time in MY bed. Not the spare. Also, when I went to bed last night. Our 3 year old was in my bed and he was sleeping completely horizontally, so I kind of pushed him over and climbed in. I knew H wasn't sleeping yet so I text him from upstairs how he's lucky where he's sleeping cause he doesn't have to deal with kicks to the face from S. But he had his phone on silent and didn't get it. This morning he commented that he got the text this morning and asked me why I didn't come sleep with him if S was taking up the whole bed? I didn't really have an answer. Its like he wants me so bad, but won't admit to it! I hate it! Sorry bout the rambling. I'm just having a bad day. Seems like I have new positives everyday but just cant get over the mountain to R. Help!