Thanks Guys. Your words of support really helped me.
I have been thinking about the fact that h will probably try and contact me at some point, or me him, about meeting up unless I draw a line. He said he would when he got back from holiday and it has sort of been filling me with dread. So, I decided to take some control over my life and email him. I really thought about what I wanted to say, as I wanted it to be from the heart, and here was the email.
'Dear H
I've been doing some thinking of late and I have come to the conclusion that I don't think trying to be friends is working. Or, at least not in the way I see friendship. You have been continually telling me over and over that you are busy and I totally accept that. All those months back in 2007 you said that you had changed as a person and at the time, and for a long while, I refused to believe that, but I think we have both changed and I now see what you are saying. You also said that you couldn't live up to my expectations and that we both had different priorities. I can now see this is also true, and is evident even from what I have said above, so I don't really see how we can continue in the form we have been.
That being said, I have no hard feelings towards you and I hope that you don't towards me. I can honestly say that I had some wonderful, wonderful times with you and thank you for many amazing memories. I loved spending time with you and being with you but I realise, as you said all that while ago, we are now different people and that there is nothing left to give.
So with that, I will forward the last form re the (bond) and the details for (bank) (otherwise we will always be financially linked) and my solicitor will forward the rest of the paperwork.
Take care, always.
Julia'
So, no expectations of a reply, in fact I'd rather not get one, and I think he should receive the paperwork later on in the week.
Still, haven't managed to find those tears again. I'm sure they will come eventually. I feel a lot more in control, and although I don't feel 'good', I feel I have done the right thing - for me.
