Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

I believe 100% that MLC exisits...Kimmie I don't think you meant that you don't think it does, just that is also an excuse. I think once they come to realization they are in MLC they then use it for everything they want to do that is wrong, but still do it all because they are in MLC...if that makes any sense at all.

I know one day I will be attracted to someone else and it will just happen naturally, but I at this point, can't even imagine it. I have never been and will never be someone I am not, I will not be a "quick change artist" for a man. I have always had a magnetic personality, and I am sure it will once again attract a man when I am good and ready. I just don't go out there at all, so it isn't going to happen until I do. And, I mean, I am not seeking men out or even in social situations where any are...I am raising my kids and working full-time. I just don't do much else, which at this point is fine with me. I have my friends and family I do social things with at times, and how much I do it now is fine with me. When I get bored with that or feel the need, I will start doing more things socially that might put me in a place to meet someone.

I know there are many, many people who have no moral compass that will sleep with married people. And, honestly I don't care what their reasons might be, they are awful people who are home-wreckers. I don't like OW from many, many reasons, some of them are because of what she has done to me, but more so because of what she did to innocent kids. There is no excuse: depression, hate of self, attraction, etc. that is good enough be allow yourself to be a part of the destruction of a family. Really of two families cause she left her own husband and son too. But, the thing I don't appreciate the most is what my XH continues to do to my kids. My kids hate her, they are old enough to have formed their own opinion of her and what has happened to them as a direct result of her being in our life. The fact that XH cannot see that purley by being with her he is causing our kids unnecessary pain and making them have to deal with even more issues past what he has already done by keeping her in his life, is soooo crazy to me. I know he cannot and won't see it that way but that doesn't make it the truth. And, believe me I know it is completely out of my control, there is nothing at all I can do to make him see anything at all that he is doing or has done to anyone!! I told my girlfriend today, "I don't want to know what he is doing, where he is going, what is happening with OW because there is nothing at all I can do about it so why make myself miserable having to hear all about it??" I just want to do what I am doing and forget they exisit, and it is easier for me to do that cause I am 700 miles away. He is not in my driveway picking and dropping off our kids every other weekend or whatever. I am very, very lucky and thankful for that fact, most of the time, other times I think if we were in his face more often he would not be able to put us "out of sight, out of mind" so easily.

There is no way I would ever react the same way as I did if the same thing happened to me now. I don't react the same way to anything that happened weeks ago that I do today. I am changing each and everyday, but it is a process. When we first moved up here, I called XH everyday, crying, I called my neighbors to see where he was, etc. Now, I never call XH at all, if he calls and I answer we might talk, or if he calls the kids and asks to talk to me I talk to him and sometimes things he says sets me off and I say more than I want and wish I had bit my tounge. And, I am learning more and more and doing what I don't want to do less and less. 9/10th of change is acknowledgement!! You can't change what you don't acknowledge. I know I did a lot of things in my marriage that there is no way I would do again with XH or anyone else. I know and am learing more and more how to "react" to people the proper way. I never was one to start an issue, but I did react poorly when someone started something with me. It is a work in progress and will be for the rest of my life, I don't expect to be competely fixed EVER!! We are human.

Let me ask you guys something...XH has mentioned more than once that he wants to come up here for Thanksgiving...the last time we talked he said he would drive up on Thanksgiving Day and get here that night, staying till Sunday. I found that weird since that must mean that he isn't going to be with OW, but whatever!! I just don't know if I should invite him to our family Thanksgiving at my Aunt's and Uncle's house??? I know it would take some convincing for my family to allow him to attend, and I know I am setting myself up to be hurt when he goes right back to her after his visit. But, is it the right thing to do? Does it show him "Christlike Behavior", "unconditional love" and lets him again witness what he is missing by being out of our family? Will it just make things harder for my kids or easier? He most likely will not accept, cause I am sure he would feel really akward, but if he is at all coming out of his MLC he might accept to try to get in good graces with my family again. It is the only family he has ever known for 21 years, I am sure it hurts him not to have that anymore. But, he chose it and part of me thinks that being away and not a part of it all is the consequences of what he has done and the more consequences he has and feels the sooner he MIGHT see the light and come out of the tunnel of MLC..I just don't know!! I'm just not sure how to handle it and I have to know how quick, he is going to be asking and wanting to make plans ASAP!!

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