Slowly getting back to answering some questions from previous posts:
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Quote:
I could leave her on an emotional level if she were to stay here and continue A.
Can you explain that to me?
I guess I was thinking just a sort of emotional detachment. There with her being happy and fun and not sad, mopey, depressed. Continuing to GAL w/o following her around the house trying to get a feel for where her mind is today.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Instead of you looking passive, it would cause you to take on a point of action in your life. You are taking control.....and I think she needs to see that. What I see in your posts is a man who is waiting around for his WW to decide which man she wants........and that is pathetic. Are you going to sit and wait until she is finished with her A--and then be available in case she might want you? That is not attractive!
I have been increasingly taking action on things in my life that have pushed her away. I think the biggest thing that I have done so far that she can see is to get into therapy for the depression and beginning to read books such as learned optimism to begin changing my outlook in life. Between this and the posts/advice from this forum, I feel that I have been able to be much happier around her and hopefully this makes it much easier for her to see that I might be someone she may want to come back to. I have definitely gone cold turkey on the mopey, crying, I'm lost without you approach and I think that has helped immensely. I also have been keeping conversations focused on her and just trying to learn to listen without turning the conversation back to me and my needs (something I am bad about). I know that I need to make these changes for myself and I think I will eventually get to the point where I am making them primarily for me.
I have some other things in my life that I have to get busy on improving (I have so many!) and I think that I am going to initiate work on a couple of additional changes this week. Been making excuses on these for way too long and I think action on these would speak volumes to her and improve my life significantly.
You are right, in many ways, I still am waiting to see what happens but I feel like that is all I can do right now. Maybe the twist is that while waiting, I need to start ramping up the efforts on improvement which will help me gain the confidence that I need to better deal with this sitch as it continues to unfold.
