Needing Direction

[Gardener]

2B,

I feel like I may know what is best in a relationship, but not sure if what I am doing is best to heal our relationship.

I understand. But some great back-to-basic words from Smiley's missive the other night:

Because I'd forgotten, you see, the Real Point of Divorce Busting. It isn't to Rebuild Your Marriage.

It's to Stop The Divorce.

What do I mean by that? The reason we do this whole thing is, in a very real sense, to turn back the clock to the minute before Walkaway drops the Bomb. Yes, it's to improve the stuff that led up to that minute, but the outcome of successful DB'ing isn't a renewed marriage -- it's the opportunity to renew the marriage. A zillion things can go wrong in the Piecing stage. But that's then; this is now.

I'd forgotten that bit, you see.

I do really want it to work and just don't know how to proceed with her. Do I GAL, date others, leave X alone, try to talk to her? She told me recently she "did not have a boyfriend". Allowed D and I to go shopping with her. She has made some efforts to get together at halloween. Her and her mom have invited me in their home on a couple of occasions. I was allowed to come around X's friend and little boy.

My take?
GAL? Yes.
Date others? Your call. She says she's not. Do you believe her? Seems like it might negatively affect a lot of little "towards" behaviors you're both making. But, two years? Yeah, I'd start. Might be time to show that you're moving forward a bit more a a social animal.
Leave X alone? Don't get all pursuing because she's made some efforts, of course, but why leave her alone?

So how do I interpret them? How do I respond to her responses? Should I try to connect with X or let her do the connection efforts?

Whoa, slow down a bit. Let her mostly come to you.

The whole shivalry and cultural thing sometimes throws a kink in it for sure.

Sure does if you're a chivalrous man to begin with. But many actions that might be considered "chivalrous" are pursuing.
Counter-intuitive, remember?

Any advice on suggested next steps???

Well, you do seem a bit reactive, temperature-taking, and egg-shell walking. I'd pump up the independence and confidence when I'm with her and in general. It's attractive, remember?