Thanks, Looking. I suppose above all I do love him and I don't believe in walking away from something as fundamental as a M without trying my hardest.
That being said, I do feel that I have tried very hard over the past seven months. But my DB Coach reminded me that in MLC 7 months is not a long time.
Quick Update on the Weekend so far
Friday Night
I went straight to a friend's house from work and we then went out partying. I slept at my friend's house and did not contact H at all. Around 7 am he texted me to find out if I was ok which I confirmed and then to say he was glad to hear it. This was a total 180 for me as I have never done anything of this sort.
Saturday
I finally saw H Saturday afternoon when he was quickly in the house and out to destinations unknown. I later went out for drinks and dinner with friends. H returned home in the early a.m at which time I was fast asleep. Pity he didn't know I went GALing but so be it.I expected him to make sure that stayed out late in response to my being out all night. PREDICTABLE and it came to pass.Anyhow, I did leave evidence that I had been out lying around...
Today
A 180 for H. He has gone out for lunch and is dressed very nicely.
We have had little to say to each other since my blow up on Tuesday. Contact is limited to Good Morning and Good Evening.
Evaluation of the State of Play
I would give Kara the edge because of the brilliant Friday night 180 coming out of left field. Took H totally by surprise Not to be outdone, Kara's H responded with a Sunday lunchtime 180.
Evaluation of the State of Mind
I am very close to the edge of becoming a WAW now. I am truly fed up and in my blowup on Tuesday I basically told my H that I had had enough. I believe that my best bet to turn this sitch around is to let him SEE that I have had ENOUGH. That he will have to work to get me back. That I am no longer available. That if he thought I was sitting down waiting he is wrong.
We CAN influence their behaviour. Not control, but influence. All of my H's moves this weekend have been predictable in response to my 180.
Being Polite
I know that we are supposed to be upbeat and pleasnt in their presence but the pleasant part is a struggle for me. I barely feel like speaking to H let alone being pleasant. Right now I am being rather cold and I know it. I have to work on that. Maybe by tomorrow I will feel up to being nice. All part of my plan to be slightly erratic, destabalize the situation and keep him unsure of what is going on.
