Yikes! Need help, please.

[Super Girl]

Part of me feels like I should just file and get it over with. I don't know how I'd find my way back to trusting and believing in him again anyway. I appreciate my parents help, but I wish my father wouldn't rush me through so fast. He's just worried about the kids, though.

My girls seem to have shut down as far as dad goes. My son is upset he won't be able to be a boy scout. He's also upset Dad took the hair gel. lol

[chatterbug]

H didn't call the kids to see how their Halloween was, and they never mentioned him. Not sure how I feel about that...

That was his choice to miss that life moment. You did not. That was your choice. Guess who made the better choice? Your kids. They made a choice as well. They shared a life moment with you. If you think about this. That is a good moment. One you should enjoy.

[Super Girl]

Thank you. I guess I just don't understand how a parent could choose to miss these moments. You'd have to kill me before I'd miss one.

[tristan]

Thank you. I guess I just don't understand how a parent could choose to miss these moments. You'd have to kill me before I'd miss one.

Good for you. Focus on your children.

As for filing, don't let anyone push you into it. What was in the laundry list of "his" reasons? Did you find them valid for "you"?

[Super Girl]

I'm in no hurry, but my dad thinks I should just keep charging along and be done with it. IMO, if this is what H wants, he can do the work. Why should I look like the bad guy?

On a more positive note, he texted me and how are the kids? I didn't reply. After about 20 minutes, he sent a "Hello" I waited about an hour and replied "fine". He wrote back...ok.

The downside is, he knows I always have my cell phone on me. I get tons of texts a day. He is going to think ignoring them is game playing.

I'm thinking it might be better to not initiate texts, but I should respond?

[TrentC]

The downside is, he knows I always have my cell phone on me. I get tons of texts a day. He is going to think ignoring them is game playing.

Well, it sounds like you're a busy woman; let that be your excuse.

"I'm sorry, I was at lunch with so-and-so."
"I was making lunch for the kids. What's up?"

If he thinks you're game-playing, point out that your life got a lot more complicated when he walked out.

I'm thinking it might be better to not initiate texts, but I should respond?

The only texts you should be initiating should have to do with his responsibility to the kids. Picking them up, dropping then off, schedule changes, etc.

[Super Girl]

Thanks, Trent. Sadly, I am much busier these days. I've also had to start learning to cook. lol

I don't speak to him at all unless it has something to do with the kids, and even then it's rare. He doesn't call because their crying hurts too much, and they don't ask to call so I don't suggest they call him.

Still can't decide if I should be encouraging them to call Dad.

[TrentC]

Still can't decide if I should be encouraging them to call Dad.

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't.

At some point your H will grow up and want to take his responsibility seriously; otherwise, your kids will want to reach out to their father when they are ready to.

[Super Girl]

I hope you're right, but if I don't encourage contact, will they end up feeling abandoned by him? They probably already do, despite my constantly telling them that their dad loves them.

Should they hurt because they don't talk to him, or should he hurt when they do. That ultimately hurts them too, because the cry afterwards. I just can't decide if the hurt of not talking or seeing him is worse than the hurt of calling and crying afterwards.

Hurt is hurt. I guess...

[TrentC]

I hope you're right, but if I don't encourage contact, will they end up feeling abandoned by him? They probably already do, despite my constantly telling them that their dad loves them.

Then what needs to happen is you and your H must sit the kids down, and your husband (not you!) must explain why he is splitting the family up. It must not be presented as "we decided", and he sure as hell can't try to shift the blame onto you; you need to be there to keep the record straight.

After that, your kids can decide how they feel about keeping in contact with him. Let him make any promises he wants: he'll be responsible for keeping them, not you.