Reason I asked about the four arguments is you really seem to like it. Might be better for me to wait for a couple months so I can focus all my energy on the NG stuff.
Yeah, I would. If the NG work looks as intense as my first glance at it suggested, I'd finish up on that before moving on to The Four Agreements, or anything else for that matter. As I've said, I'm taking the opposite approach: integrating the four agreements into my thoughts and actions for a while before rolling up my sleeves and tackling NMMrNG.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
The very first decision I made while I was still reading The Four Agreements was to decide to: not take my sitch personally. None of it. Not the bomb, not the leaving, not the continued and escalating distancing. Nor the lies, the rewriting history, editing memories, nor bizarre accusations. None of it. I just don't take it personally. I'm not taking it personally. I refuse. No more.
What a burden that lifted.
Gardener, I know my H has this book. I guess I need to borrow it, cause I could sure use some peace and relieve myself from some of the blame being thrown at me by not taking any of H's antics personally. Good for you!!!
Oh, and congrats on quitting smoking!!!
BIM
Last edited by brownidmom; 11/02/0906:38 PM.
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
Disclaimer: Kinda-down-and-depressed-for-two-days-in-a-row rambling: Can't remember two down days in a row in quite a while, actually.
Thought it kind of odd Saturday morning when wife called early to let me know that movers will be at our house in two weeks for her boxes and piano. Long advance notice. Then she said she'd be coming by for mail, "are you gonna be home?" Didn't show/didn't call for mail Sat or Sun. (?) Was she checking to see if this is retreat weekend and I won't be home (= house is empty) for some reason? While writing this I just realized what a hole removing the piano will leave in the living room for showing the house (which in this market should be any month now).
This has been bugging me (and of course is magnified like the above due to inexplicable mood): At last mediator meeting - no the one before that (last mediator meeting wife didn't show/didn't call)- mediator asks what surname she'll be using. Well, wife says she doesn't want to go back to maiden name, doesn't like surname from first marriage, even though it is her kids' surname (obviously), "so, I think I'll stay with Gardener, that's what I'm known as professionally." Mediator: "Okay. Remaining Gardener." At that moment - and in the back of my mind periodically these last weeks - I'm thinking, "Hello? There's a third person in this room who might want to be at least acknowledged, if not considered, in this little talk: the man whose name it is?!? Yeah, I'm in a low mood and I know I'm being real petty and uncharacteristically chauvinist-sounding, here.
I'm a bit fed up and exhausted after 4 weeks or more of spending every spare minute, fixing, painting, patching, cleaning, etc. so Broker can come in with his magical 360-degree camera and shoot every room so prospects can do a "walk-thru" on his website. After waffling a bit on do I want her to help/do I want her here, I did ask her at mediation if she planned on contributing in the effort. She said a weak "um, sure," and then proceeded to chat with mediator about how many windows there are to clean in our 1920 house. I mentioned this once on the phone before that and, come to think of it, she evaded and I let it slip right by. I dunno. Sick of me doing it all, for both our benefit, but don't really want her here. This whole situation has resulted in Zero GALing and cabin fever. A big contributing factor in my mood, I suddenly realize (also may well be a Mr. Nice Guy issue).
Got a few more, but that's enough whining, for now.
Gotta get back to The Four Agreements. Let's see, in the above, I took things personally once or twice, made several assumptions, am not doing my best today, just moping and whining here. Impeccable with my word? Kinda blew that a coupla times, too. Yep, back to the book.
Thanks fer readin'
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I read the Four Agreements years ago and I will revisit it as soon as I finish the current stack of self awareness/improvement books I am mowing through. Honestly, we DBers are a boon to the book industry.
Gardener heading off for much-needed retreat (24 years running). Be back Sunday night. Thanks to those of you who urged me to go despite my having 2nd thoughts since last year when I came home renewed, reenergized and greeted Mrs. Gardener who responded a la Bomb: "I got an apartment."
My retreat intention, focus, and much praying and meditating this year will be for: All of you.
Thank you. God bless you all. See ya Sunday.
Last edited by Gardener; 11/06/0911:12 PM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Sorry you've been down a bit. Hope the retreat helps you to get in touch with that still, small, wise voice inside of you ("inner Gardener") that knows your heart's desire. Painting and renovating can make one nutty under the BEST of circumstances. It's understandable that you would have all of these feelings given your situation. Frankly, I'm pretty annoyed with Mrs. Gardener for not pitching in since this is HER idea.
