Work was ok. The store has a 'monster bash' every year for Halloween for the kids to come in and decorate cookies in the bakery and trick-or-treat around the store. It's really cute.
I haven't been feeling well so it was hard for me to be too enthusiastic about it, but it was good.
This time of year is so bad for me, but I'm working on finding a happier frame of mind to be in. My life fell apart over what was my favorite time of year 2 years ago and I can't seem to get that out of my head. It's like every good memory I have from Thanksgiving and Christmas from all the years before that are tainted with this darkness. It sucks big time. I wonder how many years it will be before I can look at these holidays with anything other than dread.
Everyone says, "Make new, better memories". That is such a crock. Really? How do you do that with all of that darkness overshadowing your efforts? Yes, I do know that this sounds like I'm wallowing. I'm not, I'm honestly looking for suggestions.
One thing I am hoping to try this year.......NOT COOKING FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT TO FEED 40 UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE FOR THANKSGIVING. I don't have the money to do it, I definitely don't have the time, and mom will still be in the hospital then so I probably won't be participating anyway.
The true selfish nature of my family has reared it's ugly head. Not one of my cousins who live here (3 of them and all of their adult kids) has bothered to go see my mom (their aunt). She is a 30-45 minute drive away, in the hospital long term, and none of them has visited or called her. That seems so uncaring and callous of them. I had called one of my cousins to ask if she could please take Marc to karate one night this week so I could go to the hospital after work but apparently "call me if you need anything" didn't include taking 1 hour out of her social schedule to really help out.
I can't take Marc to the hospital with me because they have banned anyone under 18 from visiting due to flu so that means that my mom isn't going to see her only grandson for 1-1.5 months. She's not liking that.
I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry. My body is tired but my mind is whirling. I'm hoping by putting it all down here I might get some sleep. Not likely though.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!