Gucci and Robx...U 2 got a min. to weigh in???

[ginab1966]

Hi you ...look at you all checkin in on me and stuff. Boy, that's so sweet and means more to me than you know. Yup..they're givin it to me like I like it....real. I'm one of those people who are self aware enough to deal with truth but I'm damaged enough to need someone to LITERALLY hit me with a 2 x 4 to get the message through that I'm worth so much more than the pain that I endure in my relationships. Ya know, when I WAW from my H in May I told my mom that is was because I was watching my marriage turning into my mom and dad's marriage (highly disfunctional, 53 years). I told her that I learned so much unhealthy stuff watching her martar herself and eat crap her whole married life for a man who never, ever deserved her. But she stayed so we would have one home, one family and I do understand. BUT...I was not going to risk my daugther ending up like me. I told my mother..."It stops with me. This cycle STOPS WITH ME." Then I listened to my 4 year old crying every night for her Daddy and having night terrors and begging me for us to go home. It is/was so difficult to find the balance between what's good for her and what's good for me.

If I just had a crystal ball that showed that she would be ok. I went out to dinner the other night with a woman that told me she was 4 when her father left the house and she came home and all her Daddy's things were gone and she still remembers running from room to room yelling for him and asking her mom where his things where. She said that she remembers that moment like it was yesterday. Her home was chaotic and at times violent and she would rather live the rest of her life in THAT situation than the first 6 months of that divorce. She says it scared her for life. My neice remembers running after her step fathers car as it drove out the driveway when her mom kicked him out. She was 6 and said she laid in the driveway crying. I know those are two horror stories but how can I do that to my child. I am so mad at my husband for making me have to possibly make that choice. To risk my daughters happiness to save my own. And I'm so mad that he says he's going to divorce me anyway...someday. This would be a no brainer if it wasn't for her.

Thanks for checkin in on me and pointing me towards the "big kahoona's"

Gina B