Well, raining here this morning. Hopefully this blows out before it's time for the kids to trick or treat tonight. Otherwise, we get wet. It's just water.
Still reflecting on SP's post from last night. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's long, but I was hanging on every word. And, WOW, just wow. You'll have to read it and see if it has the same impact on you.
And in thinking over my sitch, after reading SP's post, I am concerened about inadvertently stepping over that line seperating LBS from WAS. I prefer my M to work and want my family under one roof. But, I find myself this week in a new place, a place where I have not only realized I can be happy (even happier) with someone else, but I have ACCEPTED that fact.
And in a strange way, it feels both sad and good. Sad that W refuses to work on the M. But good to realize there are other fish in the sea. I don't have plans to throw any bait in the water, but I find myself scanning the water for where the fish are. Just want to know. And the wanting to know is new.
I find myself still feeling the hurt from things W has saidsince telling me she wants out. Some old, and some recent. And some not posted here. The deep, aching, unrelenting soreness that is pain, whether inflicted intentionally or not, but pain. Pain from statements I thought I would never hear from a friend, much less my W. Statements, some true and others (many?) which have an element of truth yet are taken to the nth degree (like "you never" and "you always"). Those negative pervasive absolutes that simply aren't true in anyone's life. Things just aren't that black and white. But they are to W right now. And that's just the way it is.
And accusations of things I simply did not do. Are those made out of fear? Anger? Resentment? Hurt? And if so, wouldn't that indicate some emotion is still there, even if negative emotion? And if the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, what does that say about any remaining anger, hurt, fear resentment in W? Not pinning any hopes/expectations to this. Just posing the question.
But, I'm dealing with my hurt. And I understand I cannot hold on to that and certainly cannot make that a part of any decision I make.
I'm not sure what the point of this rambling was. Maybe just to get this out and down on "paper," albeit "electronic" paper.
Happy Halloween everyone. Try to make it fun for YOU. I am.
Gima, reading your post here and talking out loud every few seconds;, "Yep", "uh-huh," "Exactly." I understand.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
I'm not sure what the point of this rambling was. Maybe just to get this out and down on "paper," albeit "electronic" paper.
Rambling=venting=healthy. You should do so more often. You report about the status of your sitch, your personal growth and insights, offer great advice and fellowship to others, but:
Ain't it great to just let it fly!!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
A good Halloween all in all. We hosted a party for the neighborhood before the kids went trick or treating. I played the part of W's H. Maybe that's why she was nice to me and tried to engage me in conversation at times after everyone left. I just don't feel like talking with her or being around her.
At one point tonight, I found myself with her and another guest. I walked away (pun intended) from W and the guest so I wouldn't have to be a part of the conversation. I went and talked with some of our other friends.
I am not mad or angry at her. I just feel no connection or pull to her. It's like someone said, I have touched the hot stove once before and I'm in no hurry to do it again.
I know when I was at the party tonight, I kept thinking if only these people knew what was really going on at my home. This illusion we present is so far from reality.
I know when I was at the party tonight, I kept thinking if only these people knew what was really going on at my home. This illusion we present is so far from reality.
Looking in from the outside can depict such a rosy picture which can be so far from the truth. I know that I really shocked even my closest friends when they learned about the state of my M.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
Don't overestimate what is going on in their homes either.
Yes, I know you are right. Funny thing is I can now spot where there are issues about which they are not yet aware. Maybe they are aware and just choose to live that way.
Hey GIMA, keep up with your work, sounds like your well, I have been following your posts. What are you doing for GAL activities these days?
Quote:
Maybe they are aware and just choose to live that way.
Given what I know now, and D statistics, etc. I'd say a lot of them don't, and then again, a lot may be, and think they have no 'choice' but to live that way..
'Course, That's just me trying to mind read again also..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
This weekend with Halloween, there has not been time for much GAL'ing. My S has a head cold and sore throat this am, so I will stay with him while W and D go to Church. And that's fine.
This week, I will grab lunch with a friend and want to work in dinner and a movie with another friend.
I am continuing running and working out. Those are critical for making me feel better about myself and blowing off frustration.
Would like to work in some golf soon as well. And either camping or fishing with S.
