Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

I know, but for some reason tonight it feels good to hold on to that little bit of hope. I look at the threads where they somehow found their way back to each other and it invariably takes a year or more.

I have to remind myself I'm at 5 1/2 months. And she's only been a "single" person for 3 1/2. The first two I was staying with a friend and couldn't have the kids so she couldn't go out.

Doing something with her HS friend is a very good thing for me. I know it's stupid to hang on to the fog someday going away. Tonight I'm hanging on to stupidity. Perhaps it's the holiday. W was with my mom when she collapsed from an aneurysm on Oct. 29, 1996. We pulled the plug two days later on Halloween.

We spent the next six months running my mom's stained glass store until we could find a buyer. We both had fulltime jobs. It was extremely stressful yet we thrived together. She took care of the operations. I schmoozed and did the finances.

After we sold the store we decided to have kids because if we could overcome that, we could overcome anything.

Losing my mom is a sad memory, but the following six months is something I'll never trade.

If we can find our way back together, it's something I should write her a letter thanking her for every year. I don't know why I didn't do it before. Blind to my own wants and feelings for far too long I guess.