Well W and I are cooking tonight and it is just so strange. It's like we have a whole zoo of 800 pound animals in the room that no one is talking about (the A, whether she is moving out, etc.). She has said a few things this weekend that make it seem like she has plans to stay but still I am stuck in the doldrums of limboland with no idea of what my immediate future holds for me.
Started reading one of SmileyPerson's threads today and that got me thinking that while I definitely have a lot of responsibilty for where me and W are right now, I am not the only guilty party and really started to see that maybe I became a WAH who just never left the R. Like SP, my W reached a point in the past couple of years where she became completely uninterested in anything to do with my life, my interests, my job, my dreams - anything. I can remember feeling a feeling of alienation that added to my depression due to my despising my job and my neurotic boss.
In looking back over the past two years, it is pretty clear that we had started leading parallel lives. Why was that so hard to see? Why do humans allow hurt and resentment to poison their happiness yet say nothing about it to the people they love most. My W and I are both guilty of this and I see this now. I hope we can recover the lost love and rebuild trust so that we can begin living the happy life we used to have. Sandi wad dead-on about one thing and that is that I am terrified of losing my wife
