uge -- Your story mirrors mine in so many ways -- our ages and WAW's ages, kids, and the time frame when all hell broke loose. I also lost my job in January, out of work for 3 months after 3 solid offers fell through (Wall Street), lost 45 lbs, and then in late Aug my WAW's A with her HS sweetheart on Facebook, which went PA.
We sold our home to pay for legal expenses. She's at her parents and I'm at mine.
A big difference between your sitch and mine is we're almost done with our D after barely a month. YIKES!
I have several questions/suggestions for you:
1. For now, life is about 2 things. Making $$$ & making time for the kids.
2. IMHO, reaching out to your higher power will help. (I'd be in a ditch without my faith in Christ, and men from my church who are supporting me through this.)
3. If #2 suits you, then pray for your WAW whenever panic or depression hits. It helps me break up my pity parties, and gets the focus off me. PLUS, its the only "tangible" thing you can do for your WAW right now.
4. Start becoming a new man -- not the one she's running away from. Get a book called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. I wish I read it years ago.
5. Is it possible she may have post partum depression???
6. Try to limit your time here, searching for "THE" answer. You'll find a lot of support and advice (heck, I rely on all of you) but I'm also realizing I'm spending way too much late-night time here instead of sleeping.
7. You are the only part of the equation under your control. So focus on improving you (as a provider and dad). Forget about her or being a husband for awhile. (I know, not easy, but after two months of hell I'm moving on mentally.)
8. Understand that this is a marathon, not a sprint. As quickly as my D has happened, we still have many months ahead for things to settle down before we're single again. Who knows what will happen?
9. How is your relationship with your in-laws? Are they supporting her in this? When my WAW forbade hers to have any contact with me, they refused and said "YOU can divorce him, but WE WON'T!" Though they are depressed and against the D, they are also afraid of my WAW. She's been spoiled all her life. But they may still be useful in prodding her back to reason when the fog clears...but I won't hold my breath.
10. Since you're in Calif., I believe your WAW is making a huge mistake (for her) giving you the kids 50-50. What I mean is that the courts may likely use that to your advantage in staying with the status quo. Just what I've been told.
When I think of more I'll get back to you, but hang in there!
