Questions for all out there? Im trying to be fair about financial issues. Here is my question. Four weeks ago before my wife left we owed 3500 in taxes. We had put money aside from our forclosure and getting some money out of savings. She was going to pay the bill in full. She had about 6000 in her account which she has kept seperate from me since we filed BK.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I asked her about it today and she said sure im willing to pay half and you pay the other portion. Keep in mind when we got money for the house she put all of it in her account. I was okay with that because we were together. She said I should be fair because she doesnt have a job? IM inclined to just agree but I not sure what to do? Any input?
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
Question? When my w left 4 weeks ago I got served legal seperation paperwork one week later. My question is this ive 30 days to respond. I can respond back with legal seperation or just move it the dissolution of marriage. not sure why she just didnt just do that in the first place. I have to move on and I think im just proloning the eniviable if i just respond with legal sep. Should I just move forward??
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
Question? When my w left 4 weeks ago I got served legal seperation paperwork one week later. My question is this ive 30 days to respond. I can respond back with legal seperation or just move it the dissolution of marriage. not sure why she just didnt just do that in the first place. I have to move on and I think im just proloning the eniviable if i just respond with legal sep. Should I just move forward?? And acutual file BIg D
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
uge -- Your story mirrors mine in so many ways -- our ages and WAW's ages, kids, and the time frame when all hell broke loose. I also lost my job in January, out of work for 3 months after 3 solid offers fell through (Wall Street), lost 45 lbs, and then in late Aug my WAW's A with her HS sweetheart on Facebook, which went PA.
We sold our home to pay for legal expenses. She's at her parents and I'm at mine.
A big difference between your sitch and mine is we're almost done with our D after barely a month. YIKES!
I have several questions/suggestions for you:
1. For now, life is about 2 things. Making $$$ & making time for the kids.
2. IMHO, reaching out to your higher power will help. (I'd be in a ditch without my faith in Christ, and men from my church who are supporting me through this.)
3. If #2 suits you, then pray for your WAW whenever panic or depression hits. It helps me break up my pity parties, and gets the focus off me. PLUS, its the only "tangible" thing you can do for your WAW right now.
4. Start becoming a new man -- not the one she's running away from. Get a book called Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. I wish I read it years ago.
5. Is it possible she may have post partum depression???
6. Try to limit your time here, searching for "THE" answer. You'll find a lot of support and advice (heck, I rely on all of you) but I'm also realizing I'm spending way too much late-night time here instead of sleeping.
7. You are the only part of the equation under your control. So focus on improving you (as a provider and dad). Forget about her or being a husband for awhile. (I know, not easy, but after two months of hell I'm moving on mentally.)
8. Understand that this is a marathon, not a sprint. As quickly as my D has happened, we still have many months ahead for things to settle down before we're single again. Who knows what will happen?
9. How is your relationship with your in-laws? Are they supporting her in this? When my WAW forbade hers to have any contact with me, they refused and said "YOU can divorce him, but WE WON'T!" Though they are depressed and against the D, they are also afraid of my WAW. She's been spoiled all her life. But they may still be useful in prodding her back to reason when the fog clears...but I won't hold my breath.
10. Since you're in Calif., I believe your WAW is making a huge mistake (for her) giving you the kids 50-50. What I mean is that the courts may likely use that to your advantage in staying with the status quo. Just what I've been told.
When I think of more I'll get back to you, but hang in there!
It could be post partum but if that came from me it would be melt down city. The in-laws that is a hole nother story. She always told me her parents were never there for her. BUt when she left one of the things she broughtup is I never made an effort with her parents. Total bullshit!! She has left two other times for one day and when she left this last time it was on weekend she went somewhere with her parents. The other times were when we went somewhere wuth her parents for a whole week. According to her the dad said I ruined her life because of our financial troulbles. Keep in mind she had nothing when we met,No 401, no cellphone live in apartment and had no aspirations of ever owning a home. We bought two houses since weve been together but in her mind imm the one that done this to us and Im a complete failuer.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
I keep seeing you post summaries of your conversations with her, and venting your frustrations. This is good -- better you vent to us than to her.
But I don't see anything about the work you're doing on yourself. What kinds of 180s are you doing? What efforts at getting a life and detaching?
Because if you're not doing either of these things, then you're not making any progress towards changing course. Working on yourself is the only real power you have to change things; if you aren't doing that, then you're still the same person she made up her mind to leave.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
