Mishka, no over/unders on this one - lol. It is what it is. So halloween is mine with the kids, but W is comming over. Now, if you want a good bet, bet on how long she stays before running off to another more adult halloween party. Not an issue for me. Boths boys will be hitting up the neighborhood for candy. HOWEVER, I dont have any candy for anyone. Well, tomorrows project....
Finished Boundaries in Marriage - fairly good book. Working on "I do again" right now. Been a pretty big reader over the last week. I guess thats part of the traveling. When you are gone for four days at a time, it gives you something good to do.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Sandi, I have not. However, I finished "I Do Again" and need a new book, so I will download it. I tend to like the way Dobson thinks, so that looks like a good one.
Happy Halloween to all
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Shell -- can you give me a quick review of I Do Again? I'm searching for a good book written for, or by WAWs. (Not that mine would accept it from me, but I have several trustworthy back channels who are hoping we get back together.)
I just read Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome by Nancy Anderson who was a WAW with an SA. The book starts out good and seemed to mirror my own WAW's experience. But half way thru she sums up the R process in a page or two as if there were only 5 minutes left of the Love Boat. She made it seem like working through their recovery was done in a conversation or two. The rest of the chapters are devoted to protecting an M before an A, not rebuilding one afterwards.
Airwolf, the concept behind "I do Again" is that an H and W recant their experience of getting a D and then finding eachother as H and W again 7 years later. It is book based on religion, so be prepared if that isn't your thing. The W has an A, then gets divorced. After the divorce, she finds God and begins to find herself. She beigns to understand what she was really looking for. By the time she realizes it is her XH, he is too stubborn (mayby rightly so) to come back to her. But over the course of 5 years (7 total) she dedicates herself to the concept that she is ment to be with him or no one. The cool thing about the book is that it is wrtitten from both of their perspectives. So you see what she was thinking as she embarked on her A and then you see him having no clue why she is leaving and detching from him. The book continues this way throughout. Rarely do you get to hear both sides fo the story. I bought a copy and am having it sent to the house. I also donwloaded an ebook from Amazon (which i read) Not sure if i will give it to the W or not, but it is a good one.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Wow!!! Gotta get it. My WAW and I are Christians (well I still am) and I hope she finds her way back. The A has completely destroyed her faith. It had the opposite effect on me. You and I are the same age, but my M was just one month over the 7 year itch when it completely derailed. (Looking back w/ 20-20 now, I see the tracks were diverging long before then but I didn't see it coming, or my role in it til it was too late.)
And my WAW agreed last week in court-ordered counseling that she is the most stubborn woman I've ever met.
airwolf, read the book. i warn you about half way through it may bring tears to your eyes. you have been forewarned. i am so sorry to hear about your situation. at 7 years in, i was on the other end of this. a unique perspective.
i will tell you that in my sitch, i have been brought to my knees with christianity. it has been the amazing comfort in my life. well, that and my kids.
can you tell me more about court ordered counseling? where are you in your process? i am heading to your thread now.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Shell - "court-ordered" may've been a bit misleading. We're in the Calif. Collaborative Law divorce process -- not "nuclear" litigation. The highlights:
1. It's cheap! If all goes well, we may end up spending 5k each. I've heard mediation is even cheaper.
2. It relies on both parties cooperating as much as possible. In 90 minutes (plus some prep and discovery) we resolved division of property and agreement on custody of our kids.
3. Both parties agree to forfeit all legal costs, retainers and their Ls if they try anything sneaky, i.e. pretending to cooperative and then skipping town with kids once the D is entered. My WAW wants to move 200 miles to the town where the OM and his W and kids live. Even though she says he broke it off weeks ago. So even if her L learned that was her true intention, he is obligated to abort the CL process, mine would too, and we'd have to go hire brand new LITIGATORS to start WWIII from scratch.
Amazingly, we're on track to complete this deal in just 3 meetings (early Oct, late Oct and mid Nov), and then come April we'll officially be single.
I used to hope she'd wake up from the fog by then --- this week I really don't care since I'm detaching mentally in a big way. But then I know this E-ticket ride ain't over yet.
One final IRONIC thing -- I looked up I Do Again, and the couple who co-authored the book have the same first names as my wife and the OM. Spooky.
Shell -- sorry! All that and I didn't answer your question about counseling. The CL process includes therapists to help couples get along better for the sake of the kids. It is not intended for R or MC. In the one session we had, it revealed how deeply dysfunctional our communication has been in our M. He said it was obvious we don't listen to each other because it was like a tit-for-tat tennis match. WAW was done with it the minute it was over.
I thought it revealed a lot that we should've worked on years ago, and still ought to for the sake of 7 years and 3 kids together. Oh well.
