So sorry you're having a rough time tonight Seren.
Lots of love from this direction.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Had to repost that 3 times before I got it right lol...
I will be ok, this I do know - He will not break me again...
I am just astonished at the hurt that is caused day afer day after day and these spouses really don't seem to give a rats' a** about the damage they cause...
I see new people come here everyday and my heart breaks for them...
I just want to wrap them all up and drop them on an island somewhere far away because they have no clue what is in store for them in the coming days, weeks, months etc...
Anyway - My bad for even thinking I could look at the bill with no reaction - Just wasn't what I expected.
Prayers, Hugs & Love right back in your direction
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Anyway, things have cooled down considerably with the OW however really picking up steam with the exgf from HS...
I sat there looking at all the texts and calls and felt like I had been slapped straight back to 8 months ago...
1st thought - Why aren't we good enough for him? (I know in my head it isn't about us, but my heart says otherwise)...
2nd thought - I can't do this again with a new OW...
I don't have the strength within me...
3rd thought - I wonder, looking back if he ever really loved me or just the idea of marriage at the time...
I'm sorry, Serenity. Don't know what words I can say...
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
I am drained with just the ex from middle school and I am a little upset that I still can't find the anger stage -
The stage that would probably help me the most is the one that is most elusive to me...
Not to worry: it will find you, eventually. It's just now beginning to catch up to me. Last week, my family doctor said to me "So tell me: when are you going to get angry?" Me: "What?" Her: "You've cycled through all the stages except one: when are you going to get angry ? At her? About this?" And I've finally been letting myself acknowledge and feel the very real anger that is due. Overdue.
So:Gggrrrrr.... And one for you: Gggrrrr....r
Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Always nice to know you have my back - I know better and I should kick myself for even borrowing that trouble but I do that to test myself - To see if I am strong enough to take it without reacting and I fail every damn time
Knowing me and I think I know me pretty well, this is very shocking to me - Normally I am angry first and foremost then the other emotions eventually find their way in...
My anger has helped me survive some pretty crappy things during the course of my life and to not have it is unsettling to me...
My psychiatrist was so worried when this started because she knows all about the anger I harbor that she doubled all of my meds for the first few months...Now I am tapered back to the normal dose and still no anger...
I don't even "hate" the OW. I feel sorry for her but other then that, she is not on my radar as far as feelings go...
Hmmm...Maybe this means I am an adult now lol
Doubt it but it sounded good.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I am just astonished at the hurt that is caused day afer day after day and these spouses really don't seem to give a rats' a** about the damage they cause...
I see new people come here everyday and my heart breaks for them...
I just want to wrap them all up and drop them on an island somewhere far away because they have no clue what is in store for them in the coming days, weeks, months etc...
But as someone's sig quote points out, many of them are hurting just as bad. They're just choosing to take it out on us. It's not fair, but we have the power to end our pain whenever we want, by leaving them behind.
And yeah, even in the week or so I've been here, seeing new people come in every day makes me feel like an emotional trauma surgeon.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Gardener ~ I read your post on it and once I get off work today then I will go on the hunt for it...
Thank you for the recommendation
Trent ~ You are correct that they are hurting as well however as an adult looking in, it still makes no sense that they choose to act out like a teenager...
Granted my H has the morals of an alley cat (at this point in time) however I won't leave him behind...
That just isn't an option for me...
It goes against my beliefs as well as what I feel God wants me to do...
Someday down the line that may change however right now I will pick myself back up from my self imposed fall (because again, I know better then to look), and I will go forward...
I have some fun plans for tonight then I have Church tomorrow...
For the first time, my oldest son will be joining me at Church tomorrow
Happy Halloween to you all.
Prayers and (((Hugs)))) to everyone ~ Stay safe
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Trent ~ You are correct that they are hurting as well however as an adult looking in, it still makes no sense that they choose to act out like a teenager...
In my wife's case, her family upbringing was one of "suck it up and put on a brave face"; they didn't work things out. So she is used to internalizing things and not talking about it.
Now she feels like she is alone, because she won't reach out to anyone that will actually help her and has pushed away people who have offered. She hasn't figured out how to move forward.
If she chooses to have faith that I will be there for her, maybe I can help with that. Right now, I can only wait and pray for her.
I have been open about the process I'm going through -- she knows I'm in therapy, and she's seen my copy of The Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs (not DB or DR though!) She says she knows we need to talk to someone together, but hasn't committed to anything. And she's still technically in recovery from her surgery until the end of this week, so I won't push it yet.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Hi Seren, I'm sorry for the new OW. You have my prayers. How was Halloween? I told you W wanted us to trickortreat with s5. I had a hard time not to look so glum. It's hard to be detached while in her company. She even talked about me needing a haircut so that I can get ready to date again. Ouch! Did she really mean that? I know the rule is not to believe anything they say, but why is that? I have't read DR yet, so maybe it will explain it. But, just don't know why everything they say in not to be believed.
Looking forward to know how today has been for you. You are in such a rollercoaster and I wish I was far along enough to give advice, but nice to know TrentC and Gardener have your back. I have such a long way to go. Reminds me of the Robert Frost poem: "and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep". Sigh.
