Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Had a great night with the girls. We flattened out a futon and all slept on it together. That was a bit of a chore because they both compete for my attention.

It was uncomfortable but I got enough sleep.

I woke up today and again the first thought, the first thought was about W and what she did or is doing this weekend. Aaarrrrrgh. I know time heals all wounds and I wish I could just wish this next year away.

I hadn't thought of this until now. My mom died on Halloween. My W was with her when she collapsed from an aneuryism. She laid in the hospital for two days until we decided to pull the plug.

My mom and W had become close. I was working nights then and we'd bought the house next door to my mom's so W was spending four nights a week with her.

The next six months were among the most stressful but most rewarding of our marriage. We had to run my mom's stained glass store together while still working our full time jobs until we could sell the store and settle the estate.

We did remarkably well and we worked so well together that it was after that was over we decided we were ready to have kids.

My mom loved my W. She gave me my grandmother's wedding ring so we could get married. I didn't have enough to buy her a decent ring.

Now, at my meeting with the L, I told him I wanted the ring back. He said typically rings are considered gifts and stay with the spouse. I told him this ring was a family heirloom and I wanted it back. So that will be a fight -- or maybe not. She may just give it to me.

One thing I will miss when W and I D is that it's the end of the love story. My girls ask me questions and I tell them how we met and other little stories about our relationship. There's been so much stress, but we've overcome so much.

I know there are others out there for me and, as long as I take what I've learned from this relationship to hear, better days ahead. But it'll be a different kind of love story.

Not necessarily worse -- I have 60 years left to live -- just different.

Awest, I will look for "Love, Honor and Forgive." I need something to get me out of this funk.