Well, raining here this morning. Hopefully this blows out before it's time for the kids to trick or treat tonight. Otherwise, we get wet. It's just water.
Still reflecting on SP's post from last night. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It's long, but I was hanging on every word. And, WOW, just wow. You'll have to read it and see if it has the same impact on you.
And in thinking over my sitch, after reading SP's post, I am concerened about inadvertently stepping over that line seperating LBS from WAS. I prefer my M to work and want my family under one roof. But, I find myself this week in a new place, a place where I have not only realized I can be happy (even happier) with someone else, but I have ACCEPTED that fact.
And in a strange way, it feels both sad and good. Sad that W refuses to work on the M. But good to realize there are other fish in the sea. I don't have plans to throw any bait in the water, but I find myself scanning the water for where the fish are. Just want to know. And the wanting to know is new.
I find myself still feeling the hurt from things W has saidsince telling me she wants out. Some old, and some recent. And some not posted here. The deep, aching, unrelenting soreness that is pain, whether inflicted intentionally or not, but pain. Pain from statements I thought I would never hear from a friend, much less my W. Statements, some true and others (many?) which have an element of truth yet are taken to the nth degree (like "you never" and "you always"). Those negative pervasive absolutes that simply aren't true in anyone's life. Things just aren't that black and white. But they are to W right now. And that's just the way it is.
And accusations of things I simply did not do. Are those made out of fear? Anger? Resentment? Hurt? And if so, wouldn't that indicate some emotion is still there, even if negative emotion? And if the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, what does that say about any remaining anger, hurt, fear resentment in W? Not pinning any hopes/expectations to this. Just posing the question.
But, I'm dealing with my hurt. And I understand I cannot hold on to that and certainly cannot make that a part of any decision I make.
I'm not sure what the point of this rambling was. Maybe just to get this out and down on "paper," albeit "electronic" paper.
Happy Halloween everyone. Try to make it fun for YOU. I am.
