Your marriage hasn't been great from day 1 He cheated on you almost from the beginning You ALLOW him to have no responsibility so he can wreck cars, purchasing ATV's, spending money as fast as YOU (you didn't say we) can make it, is on the internet for hours and hours each day, lied to you a great deal, allows you to be alone a lot and he tells you he is unhappy and depressed and doesn't want YOU anymore...?????
Forgets Valentine Day, smokes weed, can't hold a job, breaks computers when angry, breaks doors, smashes phones etc...
Tells you that he is only staying until the bills (meaning YOU pay the bills while he mooches and plays like a little boy)
HE comes and goes as he pleases, takes his wedding ring off, gets sex from you whenever he wants, is cold when he wants, spends his own money as well as YOUR money when he wants.
You are taking care of EVERYTHING around the house. He calls YOU controlling even admits he doesn't want any responsibility for much of anything...
And now your self esteem is so low that you are lying to yourself and blaming yourself and telling us that "you have never accepted him just the way he is?????
What would you think we should give you as advice? Keep hanging in there and maybe he will see the error of YOUR ways and change because of your great an undying love? Keep allwing him to be a little boy and accept him as he is???
You are now paying for 3 and telling us that by giving him the big boot that taking care of only you and the child would cost more?????
IF this is all you expect and will settle for in a relationship then by all means stay. You are getting everything that you are settling for and more....
If you want and expect more from a man then I would make some DRASTIC decisions....
Goes something like this....
Stop doing anything for him. Take care of only you. Cut off the money you give to him. Stop having sex. Start going out and having fun and intereacting with others. Be mysterious and distant, but not mean or rude. Just matter of fact and business like..... Plot your plan to get him out of the house. Consult a lawyer and find out your options. Lay the groundwork for covering your own butt.
After a short time of the new attitude (which IS accepting this boy just as he is)
You then give him this prepared speech..
“ You know “little boy”, I have been doing some thinking and HERE is what I have decided. You are right in that this hasn’t been working. I don’t know why I haven’t seen that before. It hasn’t worked for basically our whole marriage. I have allowed you to come and go as you please, tried to control you, taken care of not only my responsibilities but ones that are clearly yours and even allowed you to stay in this place telling you that you don’t love me and want to leave as soon as I get the bills caught up.
“That doesn’t sound like such a good deal to me, but I now realize that it is a great deal for you.”
“So, I have decided I WILL NOT DO THOSE THINGS anymore. I think it would be best that YOU move out and get your own place. I realize that I am the cause of your unhappiness and I won’t have that anymore in my life. I would like you to find a place as soon as possible and want you out of here by____(give him a week or two) I already have a list of what I think is fair for you to take with you. (have a list ready)
“I believe that this is for the best for both of us and now realize that we should separate and proceed toward divorce. The sooner the better.”
“That is all I have to say. Anyway, I have to go ______(have somewhere pre-planned to go to for the remainder of the day or evening)
Then END the conversation. Follow through on your resolve. What can he say to that approach? If he agrees, then you know that you are right. If he disagrees, then you keep going back to what you told him…”you were right, you said this wasn’t working and I now agree with you” “you are right, I am too controlling and I have decided that you need to take care of yourself.” “I WON’T do this anymore.” “I WANT you out within two weeks so that we can move this forward once and for all”
That’s it. That is the attitude and your answer. You will never feel good about yourself as long as you stay with a man that gives you so little and you expect so little in return. That isn’t love, that is silly.
You have become his mommy. He is your son. NOT GOOD. Open your arms and let him go. Let him go grow up and see what adults have to do to live. He may need another mommy and may find another woman willing to mommy him. So be it.
