New, my story

[Inaspin]

Ok so this is 5 days after my first post. I have started to take a step back and have not spoke about our relationship problems. I am really trying to work on myself for myself, but I do worry that she only see's it as act to win her back.

I am working out, have not had a drink in 3 weeks and am feeling much better physically.

On Tuesday I did say to her that I respect how she feels but she does not have to treat me like [censored], as she had been very cold and rude to me. she said she is not trying to be like that and that was the last of the conversation. Not sure if this was the best thing to do, but can't go back and change it so just have to try harder not to react again.

There are days when my W seems warmer to me and we talk about our days etc. She even gave me a warm kiss on Wednesday evening and said "I love you" before we went to bed, but then the next day she was as cold as ice to me. I must also accept that it is only 1 week since I've started to implement changes and that "miracle" is going to take allot longer than that!

She is on a very spiritual journey at the moment and is very close to her kinesiology counselor and teacher. I do worry that he is validating her decision that she does not want to try and save our marriage. She really looks up to him and I feel he is telling her to be strong and stick to her decision.

I am having huge difficulty switching off my mind. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place, One minute I'm confidant, the next sad, emotional etc. and am having huge difficulty concentrating at work.

Patience is not my strongest quality, and it is taking a complete re-wiring of my mind to install this, but I know it is the only way, I will need to focus more and more and take each day at a time.

My relationship with my son is stronger than ever and I thank god for this. I have continued to pray and am feeling a presence in my life like never before.

I have ordered Mort Fertels "Marriage Fitness" audio program (I did this just after the "Bomb") but am a little afraid it may be a little to soon for this, anybody have any advice if I should try this or not.

I pray each day that she will open her heart to me again as I'm sure that if given he chance I will heal all the hurt I've caused over the years an Wright a new ending to this story.