I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[25yearsmlc]

I have been cleaning out my emails lately and I have emails from 2008 between my husband and myself and honestly reading them now...it makes me cringe how needy I was..

Keep that insight and use it to feel stronger, not regretful. Learn from it.

how I had no self respect and how I counted on his to make my world happy..I still feel a little bit of that but I go through the days now and no longer need to talk to him or email him..it is odd...it is SO freeing...not to need someone..to know you can do things on your own.

Yes it is freeing. Growing up is scary but freeing and it's a lot like this, isn't it? But hey, it's your time...
.I think this is something I have always known but I was so afraid of losing him..now if he walks out the door I would be scared and nervous but I would handle it with respect and class! I have grown SO much thanks to this site...really! I have a long way to go and if I could let go of OW( she antagonizes the He** out of me on purpose at work..she knows how to push my buttons because we were best friends) it would be so much better for me..I would continue to be less and less afraid.

Let go of OW...she does not matter. I used to see a homeless guy on the grill in the city where I worked and he used to curse at me every morning. At first I wondered what I had done that bugged him, or what I was wearing or doing that annoyed him so. Then my boss saw him and said "oh is that your old boyfriend" which made me laugh really hard. But then it dawned on me that I was actually letting a crazy man who lived on a grill, affect my self image. That's truly crazy. His "data" about me was not real. Therefore, it cannot matter. He didn't know me at all.

The OW, whether she's stalking you or imitating you or simply coveting your life or whatever...it does not matter which it is. You are empowering her so very much and it's self inflicted obsessing and anger/anxiety producing. It pre-occupies you and you could be focusing on your kids and their lives and their pain or your own, instead of giving so much of your emotional energy to someone who does not deserve it. Yes, you are doing this to yourself. So Stop it. It's as if you think by diagnosing her, you will change the outcome but you won't. Let it go. Tough to do, butYou have no control over her or her attitudes/actions or how the world sees her. If she's imitating you, great. No one beats the real thing and if not, even less of an issue for you to spend ANY energy on. Instead, use your energy to GAL, move forward, imagine and visualize with details, the life you are now planning.
I deeply regret the time wasted on trying to figure out the "Why's?"of it all when I could have moved forward into forgiveness and GAL so much sooner and faster and for my kids' sake too...

Remember the "life's novel" analogy too. If your life were a novel, who would you say is writing yours? How's this chapter going? Is it flowing the way you want your life to flow? Bet not, I bet that lately you have not been the author of your own life's novel ---so how about writing the next word/paragraph/page, chapter and the rest of this book all by yourself? It's time to be the author of your own life and take charge of it. Keep going. Don't worry about "losing your h b/c you detach and GAL" b/c it's the exact opposite!! If only I could get you to see that. In your time I guess....good luck, keep posting and learning. You will see happier times.
(( j ))