GAL is def. what you are to do, but I don't think you get the entire concept yet. When she asked you to meet her in the city for drinks...you jumped on it! Why didn't you tell her that she should have asked about it earlier b/c now you've made plans for the evening. You see, you "always" have some kind of plan in your back pocket to use at times like this. You have to stop being available to her. Stop playing second fiddle to OM.
Touche! I was feeling like I made progress because after she waivered, I tried to be strong that I would just do other things. She then came on strong about going ahead and getting together so I felt that I had a minor victory in that I had not just easily accepted when she said we could do it "if it meant a lot to me". I realize after your post that I should have never accepted in the first place and it would have sent a much stronger message. (hitting myself with a 2 x 4 right now repeatedly - I should have know this but still not a strong DBer yet).
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Okay, you said you have proof of her A. Don't tell her how you got it. The fact that she knows that you know.......or does she know that? You said you confronted her.....does that mean you told her that you knew about OM and that you had proof.....or did you ask her about OM?
I told her that I knew, that I knew beyond a doubt and that I would not be having that conversation with her if I didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt. Told her that he had to be out of the picture if our R was to ever stand a chance to improve. She wavered between acknowledgment and denial but in the end, I think she chose denial. I told her that I might confront OM as well. Really don't understand how she could deny when I am confronting her with what she already knows is true. Guess she doesn't think I really have evidence but I do as much as that hurt me to see.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Men have to learn how to set boundaries when their W is in an A or she will not respect her H. If the two of you stay under the same roof-- then she should not be in an A b/c that is the most disrespectful act a W can do to her H.
I set that boundary last week, just not sure what consequence I can impose if she continues A other than to ask her to leave. Then she may just say that she left because I told her to.
I did meet her for dinner tonight and just stayed ultra positive and discussed only things about her. No R talk from me at all and had no expectations. Just tried to be confident and fun. Saw OM at work today which almost never happens, made eye contact w/ him actually. Probably should have confronted right there but it was in a very public area so decided against it. Really got my heart pounding for sure!
