The Four Agreements has had such a wonderfully, simply liberating effect on my thoughts and emotions (talk about Cognitive Dissonance and the whole Thought leads to Emotion debate over at C-Bart's). I have re-read Be Impeccable With Your Word (the first agreement) a few times because "word" here means much more than one's word or commitment or the audible sounds that we speak. It's deeper and more universal than that. So I revisit it.
Your values. What words help define what matters to you, give your life meaning and keep you centered. Not keeping your word (values) causes cognitive dissonance.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Could it be that whenever we resent anyone, we are really resenting ourselves, our own failure to address that which produced the resentment: our own inaction?
Hmm. That just may well be, and your point on resentment about not speaking out rings as true also.
I will say, though, that our WAS also did the same, and didn't speak out as well.
If they had spoken out, would we have been in the place then to handle it correctly? I am not sure I would have been until now that I have worked on these issues.
I think it's key to remember as well, Dr. Snarch's words that you must be able to tolerate discomfort for growth.
That's what were doing now, and maybe we couldn't have at stages of our MR's before.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I think your thoughts on resentment are very insightful and very apt. I, too, think that in a great many situations were we feel resentment, what we resent most is our own complicity in the situation in question. Why do I suspect this? Because speaking up about it usually makes the situation go away even if it changes nothing else about the reality in question.
Cheers,
Dia
Last edited by Dia; 10/31/0904:41 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Could it be that whenever we resent anyone, we are really resenting ourselves, our own failure to address that which produced the resentment: our own inaction?
Hmm. That just may well be, and your point on resentment about not speaking out rings as true also.
I will say, though, that our WAS also did the same, and didn't speak out as well.
If they had spoken out, would we have been in the place then to handle it correctly?
Yes, but my point would still stand: resentment has by definition, an element of time attached to it. So if/when our wives vent their resentments of us, they, similarly, would be resenting themselves for having tolerated that which they've grown to resent,
Or am I just beginning to thrash about in semantics, now?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Your values. What words help define what matters to you, give your life meaning and keep you centered. Not keeping your word (values) causes cognitive dissonance.
Yes, exactly. I revisit it not out of confusion or not getting it, but because to me it is a much deeper, more complex agreement than the others. Has many more facets, if you will.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thanks for sharing your perspective on "The Four Agreements". Sounds like a must-read. I've been MIA with some kind of flu bug (12 days and counting), just trying to drag myself to work and home again. Have to muster up enough energy to celebrate Halloween this evening!!!! A GF and I are thinking about going downtown as a cable TV news crew (microphone, press card [ "I.B. Nosey"], big honking video camera) ala Jay Walking.
It sounds as though you are taking charge of your destiny by working on personal growth. Thanks for the inspiration. It's time for me to focus on that some more.
A GF and I are thinking about going downtown as a cable TV news crew (microphone, press card [ "I.B. Nosey"], big honking video camera) ala Jay Walking.GAG
This is very cool. Have a great night. Talk to you soon.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
