Today I did something I haven't done in awhile, I checked the cell bill...
I should be slapped everytime that thought crosses my mind...
Anyway, things have cooled down considerably with the OW however really picking up steam with the exgf from HS...
I sat there looking at all the texts and calls and felt like I had been slapped straight back to 8 months ago...
1st thought - Why aren't we good enough for him? (I know in my head it isn't about us, but my heart says otherwise)...
2nd thought - I can't do this again with a new OW...
I don't have the strength within me...
3rd thought - I wonder, looking back if he ever really loved me or just the idea of marriage at the time...
I can look back at certain instances that should have been a warning bell going off however I was to naive to notice it...
The exgf from HS has been in our marriage every few years starting from the day we got engaged...
In hindsight, he knew how I felt about her yet still continued to find a way to contact her (he says she contacted him everytime however I no longer believe that) every few years, carry on with her (probably emotionally), lie his POS ass off to me then when his guilt kicked in would admit it, beg for forgiveness, swear it would never happen again and we would be good for a few years - Rinse & Repeat...
I am drained with just the ex from middle school and I am a little upset that I still can't find the anger stage - The stage that would probably help me the most is the one that is most elusive to me...
Ok done venting - No 2x4's needed because I damn sure know better by now then to even bother looking...
Nothing like asking for trouble
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
