Question

[awest1217]

No doing anything this weekend. I am really disappointed. H is sick, but he is going to go to the doctor tomorrow. He was going to go and was even planning a hotel stay in Chicago, but that of course fell through. I just have this nagging feeling OW is staying with him this weekend and will be there tomorrow night as well. H said something about wanting to be home in time to watch the ND game. Like he had plans. I know this is counterproductive so I can't dwell on it. Pretty much I have to go "dark". I will answer his texts if there is a question and if he calls I will answer and be polite and upbeat, but I am not going to give him any information.

S is not responding well to the medicine. Now he has a runny nose and is coughing. Plus the steroids for the croop are making him very aggressive. I want to tell H, but I am not going to because he won't do anything which will make me mad, and I don't feel he deserves to know what is going on in our lives. He has chosen his life and I have to let that be.

I am reading a book "Love, Honor, and Forgive" by Bill and Pam Farrel. It is really good and discusses how forgiveness is extremely important even if get D because those hurts will continue into all other relationships, even with S. Also what I thought was interesting is forgiveness is letting go of the revenge, manipulating, and holding over, but it does not mean you cover up that it hurt you or say it is ok when the action is wrong. It is funny because there is a whole section on how bitterness can destroy your life, and everything that is in there is exactly almost to the word what H says. About being unhappy, unloveable, everything is because he has bitterness in his heart. I think it is mostly towards his family, but I am sure there are layers with me. I really want to make sure that I forgive H so I can be free and move on to having a wonderful life. I am half way done (started today) and am hoping to finish tonight so I can drop it off with H because it is a book that he actually wanted to buy and told me he was looking for. I found it used on amazon and got it along with DR so I will give him both and see what comes of it.