Detachment

[25yearsmlc]

Over time, it is not healthy to love someone who doesn't love you back or respect you. That is NOT unconditional love; it's being a doormat AND OR being a victim and staying stuck in crazy patterns refusing to change b/c the unknown is somehow more frightening.

I just can't resist on this one. I'm sure someone will probably be irked about this. But, didn't someone who died on the cross for us love us unconditionally even though many have not loved him and respected him?

Kevin

You don't resist much at all Kevin. If you "feel like it" you say it or do it and then wonder at the outcomes you create...
Here's the 2 x 4 that you richly need, given the thread you have, and the attention you get there, and the time I took to write you the tome I just posted to you....
You don't get it Kevin. You really don't know what I'm talking about but you come here and blurt away and your lack of self awareness is stunning.
While your approach has not worked at all, you continue to preach it...and you don't actually know what I mean...if you did, you would not have written about Christ in this thread where it does NOT belong.

You confuse "Standing" With standing STILL and put your head in the sand to hide from your real issues & you use religion as a deflecting shield when the reality of your sitch and your "stuckness" get to be too much for you.

I think It's posturing on your part to avoid the hard work you have to do before you'll see any change in your own life or sitch. You won't go to c, for real, and you don't follow through on any of the 127 promises you made and here you are posting about unconditional love. No, I don't buy it. That's not what you feel for your w. As for loving your wife, sure, go ahead. You should. I NEVER SAID TO STOP LOVING SOMEONE... After all, she is the mother of your children and will always deserve warm feelings of loyalty and respect and I'd call that a form of love. But YOU are acting as if you are in a marriage that just "hit a rough patch" and that she's a tad irritable lately. You ignore what she says and wants. You place your needs ahead of what she has told you repeatedly & you are nearly forcing her to get a restrainging order so you'll leave her alone. Please don't post here about unconditional love. You are in denial.

When I say it's unhealthy to go on loving someone who obviously isn't loving to you or acting lovable and this continues over time...yes I think it's unhealthy to allow yourself to feel the same type of love you felt when they were treating you well. For instance, Women who get hit or beaten and even threatened by their h's, and then go back to their husbands saying "But I love him." IS THAT Healthy k4? Is that the type of unconditional love those women/wives should show?? You think Jesus meant for them to keep on acting as if their h's were wonderful men treating them great? You think that is what HE meant by "love your neighbor"? Or love your enemy? See, Jesus knew we have such things as enemies. Not everyone is kind or loving to us and some people are dangerous. Christ knew this.

I submit it is not what he meant by telling us to love one another. We can love the good in the person and we all should do that as Christ did. Though I can't pretend to speak for Christ, I know he hated the sin and not the sinner. I know he cared about actions, not words. He loved the good in us but he did NOT love all that we did. There is a season, K4...


I stand by what I said re: healthy love and the belief that there are those who misuse (perhaps deliberately) the terms "unconditional love" to stay stuck and not look at their life or make any plan for their own happiness, b/c it's just easier to sit and wait and pray, and there are some who self righteously call that standing".

There's something called self respect and it's part of agape love, and ALL healthy forms of love contain respect as an element. (K4 since you like to quote theology so much, please read some, and look up on what theologians say about different forms of love) There is agape love, & the love between parents and children, and Eros, between men and women, the love between friends, etc)... ALL Forms of love contain respect but all forms of love do not require the same duties. Love for your child even though they talk back or get rude to you is NOT the same duty or R you have with a friend who turns into a jerk. You can leave the friendship and that's not bad or wrong. IT's healthy to have a boundary.

Someone who does not respect themself cannot love themself, nor can they receive it from someone else in a healthy full way.
So yes, I still say that over time, if a person isn't loving or kind to you, it's NOT healthy to keep your head and heart in a place reserved for those who are. Especially if there has been betrayal after betrayal. It's self abuse to go back and I'm not into self inflicted martyrdom. It's sick to stick around for more abuse, and it's crazy to keep going to a dry well for a drink when it's empty. You can move on in your life and let go of the past and work on yourself and there is nothing wrong with that and there's nothing UNChristian about it.

K4, I think you like baiting people. But I stand by what I said and hope you CAN RESIST next time, so you dont' get other people off track on irrelevant issues that prevent or slow their forward movement. RE-read my words before you blurt out another answer or scriptural reference. Did you read the posts on your own thread? Please process them...please be respectful of those who take enormous amounts of time to post to you on your own thread, only to have you miss or ignore the main points and then demonstrate it here.

J-