Young couple in need of help

[sumguy27]

Actually I think you're deluding yourself to think that she's slowly coming back to you. Your W is still stuck in the fog of wanting to live life as a single woman.

Spend Halloween with your kids and that's it.

Yes I agree with everything all of you guys are writing. I was very delusional. I thought since I have been ignoring her and putting my boundary's up she was starting to come around. Guess again. She doesn't even know how to block her friends list on facebook and sure enough I see that faggot on her friends list. I had it I blocked her. I thought I broke up that relationship. I was wrong.


The thing was I didn't even want to buy my little girl diapers because it didn't make sense if she is so broke then why is she still going on this trip! Its not I don't want to provide for my kids. I do all the time they are with me 100%. I don't bug her for money to help with the kids. The only time I bug her is when they are ill and sick. Even then she doesn't come around. I will be there just for the kids but she is going to have to take them home. If it doesn't work for her then I will see them Sunday.

Sorry just venting. I'm going to have to start doing my work out routine now or I'm going to loose it.

[Gardener]

Trent,
Just what I was thinking.

Yeah I knew I was kind of fishing for a answer that yes she does want me around. I just responded I will let her know by tomorrow.

That's another good tip: when in doubt, say nothing and commit to nothing.

Or always keep something at the ready like, "Hmm. Okay, I will consider that and call you back when I've made a decision. Gotta run. Bye."

[Gardener]

Robx,
Great post, good 2x4s. I was thinking that even less is more. For example on #5:

5. "...No its fine we can take them and then you'll just have them for the night so I don't have to bring them back tomorrow morning." Tell her,"No." Period.

You'll go trick or treating and she will have them after that is done because it's her turn to have the kids (I'm assuming at this point that it's still her week to have the kids). You won't take them for the night so that it's easier for her and so that she doesn't have to bring them in the morning. You're not there to make it easier for her, she isn't making anything easy on you. Tell her you would rather just stick to the agreement, she can bring them to you when she is supposed, making exceptions here & there just leads to messy things afterwards, "well I took them when it was your turn to have them, etc.". Just stick to the agreement, it's something you will both have to get used to.

[sumguy27]

Ok a back slide the other day a little and I back slide today a little also.

w:Are you going out tonight?

M: Y?

W:Just asking geez

M:Yeah I'm going out whats up?

w:me too

M:Ok...um why are you asking me? Did you want to hang out or something?

w:um just wanted to know because I don't want you to trip

m:Huh? So what your going to the club?

w:Yea y?

m:What do you mean don't trip? What ur stupid Laos faggot is coming with you are something?

w:lol IDK maybe

m:Why the hell are you telling me? So I don't kick his ass or something? I don't get it? What do you want?

w:LOL gay no I'm just asking geez

m:So what do you mean don't trip? And your still talking with that faggot? Geez I don't know what your trying to get at.

w:because you always be tripping any ways dude just drop it. Maybe I'll run into you later..


I'm way confused. She has never ever cared about how I felt ever. Why does she care now? LOL I have to laugh what a mess. I'm just confused.

[TrentC]

The problem was that you should have answered:

W: "Are you going out tonight?"
M: "Yeah I am."
W: "Me too."
M: "OK, have fun."


Making an issue out of this guy is only going to make her defend him against you -- which I'm guessing is the opposite of what you want.

Given the level of hostility in that exchange, I can see why you're having problems. You need to back way off and go dark.

[sumguy27]

Doh! "Every day is another chance to get it right." Right?

[TrentC]

That's the way I've been living for the past two months, yes.

[MrBond]

That was a test. She wanted to get a reaction out of you and you totally fell for it.

When she asked if you were going out. You should have just said yes and that's it. Both of you are acting like a couple of high schoolers. Who is the adult here?

[sumguy27]

Yes I fell for it because it through me off. I'll learn from this. Another note came back from a managers meeting. I just got a %35 decrease in my salary. What a great day today is.

[Steve McQueen]

Do you trip all the time? I dont get it.