I really hope you don’t mind me asking for your specific help but Looking for Help and K4D told me that a tough love approach may be more appropriate for my issue. I guess you may be the somewhat of the “go to” peeps for this type of stuff. So, they told me to seek your advice.
I have so many people in my life telling me to leave. I do have a handful that are of my opinion that you stick it out and do whatever you can to save the marriage if possible because it’s what best for everyone, including the kids.
I also want you to know that I love my husband. This isn’t just about my DD. This is also about my love for my husband. And don’t think that I don’t know that it’s a little about my codependency too. ;-)
Right now I’m just trying to formulate a plan. Something I can steer by. Right now, I’m feeling like I lost a bit of the control I had over myself. I know I can’t control the situation or him but I can control myself and I’ve lost that and it feels like he is now in control again….of everything including me.
I do believe I need a tough love approach. I’m scared, of course, that it might backfire but since we are living in the same house, I’m not sure what tough love would look like in this case. Also, financially we both HAVE to contribute to our household finances to make our family engine run. There is NO way that I can do this without this financial help. That’s part of the mess we are all in.
Thanks for the input and advice. I really need all the help I can get.
Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
While you wait, I recommend that you look at gucci's prior posts to others. The situations differ, but the basic concepts are the same. I don't think I would characterize it as 'tough love', more as a strong display of high self-esteem, confidence, and moving on with your life.
K4D told me that a tough love approach may be more appropriate for my issue
I did? I don't recall that. But I think that gucci and robx can help you. I'm not sure how to advise you on your sitch. lol.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I really hope you don’t mind me asking for your specific help but Looking for Help and K4D told me that a tough love approach may be more appropriate for my issue. I guess you may be the somewhat of the “go to” peeps for this type of stuff.
I just love it that I'm to the "left" of Rob and Gooch. Now I know why staunch conservatives keep the raving lunatic John Birchers around -- it makes us look "presidential" and "reasonable" by comparison.
Can I blame it on my mental state and cough syrup???
Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
Pup...you are just too quick witted for your own good. YOu never cease to make me giggle...even if I'm in tears.
Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
Can I blame it on my mental state and cough syrup???
Mental state is a perfectly acceptable excuse for anyone on these boards to use for any reason. LOL.
I think that you need to protect yourself financially.
Also just to make puppy feel better and because it is true, he is also someone that can help. I also recommend 25yearsmlc and coach.
There are many others as well, but those seem to be the big dogs.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I really hope you don’t mind me asking for your specific help but Looking for Help and K4D told me that a tough love approach may be more appropriate for my issue. I guess you may be the somewhat of the “go to” peeps for this type of stuff.
I just love it that I'm to the "left" of Rob and Gooch. Now I know why staunch conservatives keep the raving lunatic John Birchers around -- it makes us look "presidential" and "reasonable" by comparison.
Puppy
You will always be "presidential" to me PDT, LOL!
I'm just impressed that people are asking for me specifically, some threads I'm considered an overbearing prick and by others a guru, sigh.... I would just like to achieve peace & balance in my life.... IS THAT SO WRONG???????
Inner wussy tried to creep out for a second, I have stuffed him back inside.
I really hope you don’t mind me asking for your specific help but Looking for Help and K4D told me that a tough love approach may be more appropriate for my issue. I guess you may be the somewhat of the “go to” peeps for this type of stuff.
I just love it that I'm to the "left" of Rob and Gooch. Now I know why staunch conservatives keep the raving lunatic John Birchers around -- it makes us look "presidential" and "reasonable" by comparison.
Puppy
Seriously, how can you be considered the one that wields the big stick with a name like Puppy?
I have another thread "H w/1 Foot Out The Door" on the newcomers forum. We went to our Retrouvaille weekend last week and have had "homework" to do all week that involves communicating through a technique called dialogue. Last night the question was "How do you feel About attending The Follow-up Retrouvaille session on Saturday" his answer was. "I feel hopeless like there is no hope whatsoever. I feel like I am in a ball game and the score is 10 to 0 bottom of the 9th and there's only 1 batter left. There is no chance to win so why even try. If my feeling was a color it would black like a hole that's covered with dirt that I can't get out of without any light anywhere. Looking for light is even pointless because you are so far underground that light has no possibility to exist. My feeling of hopelessness on a scale of 1 - 10 is an 11.
The night before the question was "Think of a time you would like to go back to with your spouse. How do you feel when you think about that time". His response was "I'm thinking of our wedding. I feel depressed like a man who has the only losing lottery ticket and all the others are winners. The color of my feelings would be the blue and red on a cop car flashing it's warning saying "Stop right there, dont' go any further" My feelings of depression on a scale of 1 - 10 is a 10.
Please tell me how I am supposed to react to this. I know I'm supposed to "act as if" but those are so blantently telling me that he is "gone" in such a horrible hurtful way that its really hard to not react. Do I just go on just doing my thing as I have been? He says he's still going to the Retrou follow-up session tonight but he is not going to save his marriage, he's going like the way he would go to an Opera. He hates the music, isn't interested in the words but is curious how an opera works.
I'm just to frustrated and lost. WE were doing so well and now after our session he's going out iwth all his single guy friends and he's taken off his wedding ring which he put back on a few weeks ago. He even went back to sleeping on the couch last night. Am I supposed to act like none of this is registering with me? Please tell me what I'm supposed to do!! I really need some help.
Peace,
Gina
I haven't found the other thread yet. Can you give me a recap. Why did he start feeling like this? EA/PA? Was he abusive? Were you abusive? (yes I'm asking if you were abusive to your husband, this is an online forum, you have your anonymity, be honest about everything & anything) Kids?
I don't mind helping but i'd love a quick recap of how this started and where you are right now.
