This is a VERY helpful thread! 25, like Pitinmygut, I fear my M problems partially at least stemmed from lack of affection + communication on one or both of our ends. And we also don't have kids to keep that connection.
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Again if your sitch was about you not demonstrating love, I'd say you have other things to do as well)
25 what things should/could I do that would demonstrate love while detaching? Right now we're completely dark but at some pt. will probably have to have some communic. I am going to paste your post into word to print out & reread. Thank you again for this.
You arrive at a point where your self-preservation instincts begin to take over and they begin to scream "take care of yourself first..you are worth so much more than you can possibly realize."
That's where I want to be!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Over time, it is not healthy to love someone who doesn't love you back or respect you. That is NOT unconditional love; it's being a doormat AND OR being a victim and staying stuck in crazy patterns refusing to change b/c the unknown is somehow more frightening.
I read your whole posts, but sometimes something really stands out...and the above really 'stands out' to me.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Over time, it is not healthy to love someone who doesn't love you back or respect you. That is NOT unconditional love; it's being a doormat AND OR being a victim and staying stuck in crazy patterns refusing to change b/c the unknown is somehow more frightening.
I just can't resist on this one. I'm sure someone will probably be irked about this. But, didn't someone who died on the cross for us love us unconditionally even though many have not loved him and respected him?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I just can't resist on this one. I'm sure someone will probably be irked about this. But, didn't someone who died on the cross for us love us unconditionally even though many have not loved him and respected him?
They way I understand it, he could do that because he was the Son of God, and God made flesh, not a normal person.
Of course, this is all dependant on your personal beliefs.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I won't say anything further on it. I just couldn't help but draw some kind of comparison there to the unconditional love comment. I disagree with the comment that unconditional love is nothing more than being a doormat and someone who is afraid to experiance life without that other person. I'm not saying that it isn't always used properly and sometimes it is a cover up for just being afraid to be alone. But it is also true in some cases that the person really does have unconditional love for the S that walked away. I would call that strength when it is truly the case.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Guess we need to first define what we mean by love. You can love someone and still be detached from them. Some may say that is actually the highest form of love. Why? Because that is unconditional. I love you so much I'm willing to let you be yourself even if that is against my wishes.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Over time, it is not healthy to love someone who doesn't love you back or respect you. That is NOT unconditional love; it's being a doormat AND OR being a victim and staying stuck in crazy patterns refusing to change b/c the unknown is somehow more frightening.
I read your whole posts, but sometimes something really stands out...and the above really 'stands out' to me.
How can being a doormat be loving? It actually the opposite of love to allow someone treat you with disrespect.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
