Other than the financial aspect, I am not going to help wife move. I don't think she even wants me to. She says she doesn't even want me to know where her apartment is, and that's fine with me. At this point, she says she still plans on being in the house quite often. She even said she will still do the Sunday cleaning and make Sunday dinners. I know that by allowing that I will be letting her have the best of both worlds and that goes against db philosophy. But I think dbing is only one philosophy and is not 100% right for all situations.In dbing, we try to make it tough for them to live their "fantasy". I have decided that if my wife chooses that fantasy life, then so be it. If on the other hand, she chooses to come back, then I know she came back only because our "second marriage" will truly be a better option than anything else. I only want to try a second time, if it's 100% genuine and real.
Indy,
On the one hand, you appear to be taking a passive, almost fatalistic approach ("if my wife chooses" . . . "so be it" . . . ).
And you say you don't want to try anything if it's not "genuine and real," as a rationale for why you seem to be rejecting most (not all) of the DB playbook and most all of the advice you've received here.
And that's fine.
But then you advocate for "The Love Dare," and its principles (which are very "pursuing" and anti-DB).
It seems to me that you DO believe in trying to do something actively to save your marriage, but only if it fits your more passive, eager-to-please nature.
That's not a criticism -- just an observation. But I just don't understand why you keep asking everyone for advice, when you seem pretty hell-bent on following your own instincts, which -- let's be fair -- kinda helped play a role in getting you into this mess in the first place??
