K4D Rising #4

[25yearsmlc]

What c-bart said. K4, parts of this letter might have been alright if it weren't the 50th time you have written or promised or said something just like it already...which is usually followed by a temper tantrum you throw when your w doesn't see you differently or feel differently about you, based on a week or two of relatively normal behavior on your end.

She can't change the way she feels about you and the way she sees you (which is clearly your goal in saying/writing these things) b/c the changes are not there. This literally is almost verbatim what you said just weeks ago, and also a few months ago, AND very similar to what you said or wrote several months ago. So by repeating yourself this way is bad news. Instead of reflecting change in you, it reveals you to be in the same position with little forward progress.

Instead of writing/talking about how you "get it now" over and over again, just DO and BE what the letter claims you are now. Demonstrate it. And as Gucci (and countless others) said, re: scriptural references and your frequent quotes, please forgive me... but for the love of GOD, leave those out.

You still have no idea what a turn off it is. To me, they come off as remarkably lacking in self awareness. For instance, stating that you are not judging her, whereas you have called her a whore and God knows you've judged her critically for years now and still do on this site...well, it's not helpful to quote scripture with that record. When it's pointed out that you are doing it again, you merely deny that is what you are doing, and you do it again. It's a pattern that won't change I fear. So Leave those references out in your dealings with your wife, and set an example by your actions alone. No words.
As someone said, if you need friends, be one. Reach out to help someone else and not just here on the boards. I wish you'd Do something NOT related to divorce or marriage, Or the bible. Do something that gets you out meeting new people. Learning something new or fun and no excuses about why you can't do that. No more filler time...GAL. Remember that?
And Last but NOT least...how's the c going? Learn anything?

Still going to AA meetings? You know, the 12 steps include some very important growth tools that are incredibly difficult but SO rewarding and productive. [b]The program relates to your life a great deal. For instance, I think it's the 4th step that is taking a fearless moral inventory of ourselves & then making amends to those we've harmed --it is crucial for several reasons. It's what you say you want to do in your letter. [/b] Geez If you had given that program a real chance, and worked the steps, you'd see how much it overlaps with where you are in your life and how you repeat the same mistakes -- just way too often. If you still don't have a sponsor, get one. Open your mind & heart to what has helped many many great wonderful, successful people. Withold the judgments too. Don't want to hear them.

Not drinking is just part of recovery. There's so much more to recovery b/c it is a way of life. And so much richness in life and reward from working the program. You resisted it almost as much as you resist getting professional help. You are just too stuck. No other way to say it. That's what is so frustrating. All the resources are around you but you won't digest and follow through so that some change can happen that's real. Bottom line is The 12 step program is a spiritual program and way of living that strikes me as so applicable to your life's needs.

For example, If you were to actually follow through with the 12 steps, this letter could have been a past list of "to do" actions for you that you'd have completed in action, already. Alas, instead, it's an email your wife won't even accept, let alone read. That fact alone shows how little your words mean to her now. Therefore, focus solely on your own actions. Set examples without talking about them. And get some good c, and stick with it. Follow through. Follow through. That's a true 180 for you.

j-