I posted in the newcomers but needed advice

[25yearsmlc]

p17,

just an fyi...I have 2 family members who divorced and remarried their exes several years later (5 and 8 years later, respectively). Both couples had kids and maintained some contact with each other. Both couples, (= 4 people) detached and moved forward and made changes in their own individual lives. When my cousin saw his wife after a child's function, he asked her out for coffee to celebrate the honor their son had won and to talk about school. They became friends, and eventually they reconciled. Their marriage is a good one. Better than the first time...I know they dated others in their time apart, for what that's worth.

My aunt/uncle divorced. One day after a family function, he just came out and asked her "Are you happier now?" And she said "not really" and he said, "Want to date some?" And they did. They remarried and for 6 years had a much closer marriage than before and without the fighting. He got cancer and died last year, with his wife and children at his bedside...at peace.

It happens. You can and should move forward in life as all of us should always be learning and doing new things and GAL for real. Married or not. You don't have to lock the door, but you do have to stop looking back at the shore line or you won't see where you are headed and you'll keep treading water, or worse. (Not to mix metaphors too much).

But seriously try to visualize a happy life WITHOUT the spouse, and get detailed about it. Focus on that picture and move towards it and start feeling good about your future. It sends out great things to the world and you never know what might happen. It WON'T PUSH YOUR SPOUSE AWAY...I promise.

When I realized my marriage was over (yeah, I thought it was) and that I could now make career plans without having to put H's career first, for once, it was a freeing feeling. I could live where I wanted to live and where it was good for the kids. We could go on trips without wondering if h would get the time off or have to cancel at the last minute. I began sending out resumes to year long jobs overseas just to inquire. It was fun. And h noticed and though that was NOT my goal. I was doing it for me. To excite me about MY future and it was exciting...seriously made me happy and some of that was happy about not being married-finally getting honest and in touch with the positives about being single & not having to think of h first, or how something would hurt HIS career, HIS hours, HIS commute, etc and in reality there are positives to being single in ALL situations, if you look for them. Do they outweigh negatives? Well Heck no, not often. But they still exist and we're idiots not to see the silver lining...

Good luck, keep posting,
J-