She has always had issues with him. He pulled a similar stunt a few years ago, and while he didn't actually leave, he did the not coming home stuff. I think she hold a grudge against him. She told me it was too sad talking to him, and I think she feels bad for me and wants to ignore him.
Okay, he has texted me, called me, or emailed me about all sorts of random stuff. How do I go NC with someone who is constantly talking to me.
Texts and emails can be answered much later with "Sorry, I was busy." If he calls but doesn't have a reason to be calling, let him know that you have to go and hang up.
Originally Posted By: Sad Girl
Also, I mentioned that I told a few people he was gone, now he is asking who I told. Why does he care?
Because he's being forced to face the reality of his actions and how it affects the people around him (not just his family).
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
SG. I am sorry to say, but I am with Puppy that there is likely an EA. He probably wants to make sure you are in the picture in case it doesn't work out. He is testing the waters (so to speak).
How was your M a few months before the bomb? Were you having problems? Was he distant? Have you ever had major problems in your marriage? What were they?
By the way, I would normally tell you to limit what you say to the family. But since he is living with your parents, I guess that isn't as important. However, I do find it odd that he accepted that proposal. Has he ever seen an IC or a psych? Does his family have a history of depression?
I am not sure you need to go dark. But don't answer every random thing with an immediate response. When you do respond, be friendly, confident, and happy. Do not make him your focus right now. Your focus should be on yourself and the children. By the way, what are their ages?
I'll do a better job at ignoring him until I have no choice. I have already vowed I won't deal with him all weekend.
There could be an EA. I can't rule anything out, but I would be very surprised. At this point, I don't care. I just want to know that my kids will be taken care of.
We went out with friends on a Wednesday, he told me he loved me on Sunday, and then boom! I was pretty much always with him, and cell phone records haven't really changed. The only thing different is he is having a great time hanging out with his new friends from work.
He went to my parents because he truly has no place to go. His family isn't nearby, and they wouldn't help him much anyway. Mom mom said he acts totally normal when he is over there.
No, he has never had therapy, and yes, his family has issues. His mom and sister are whackos.
We have a full weekend planned, so I should be able to stop thinking about him. I do hope missing out on Halloween stabs him in the heart a bit.
I'm quickly getting to the point where I hope he comes back for the kids, but I don't need him.
He went to my parents because he truly has no place to go. His family isn't nearby, and they wouldn't help him much anyway. Mom mom said he acts totally normal when he is over there.
So your parents are okay with him leaving you (their daughter) and his kids (their grandkids) and going to stay with them, with no apparent remorse or guilt?
Do they plan to let him stay there as long as he wants? If so, is going to rent a room or something?
That seems really weird to me.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
No, but we live in a house they own, and he said if he had to pay for a place, he couldn't afford to pay them too. I wanted to avoid that, so I asked them to let him stay.
I'll do a better job at ignoring him until I have no choice. I have already vowed I won't deal with him all weekend.
SG. Don't think of it as ignoring. It is called detachment. There is a thread on here started by Coach that I would suggest you read. It is a great thread and Coach is one of the best on these boards.
Originally Posted By: Sad Girl
There could be an EA. I can't rule anything out, but I would be very surprised. At this point, I don't care. I just want to know that my kids will be taken care of.
We went out with friends on a Wednesday, he told me he loved me on Sunday, and then boom! I was pretty much always with him, and cell phone records haven't really changed. The only thing different is he is having a great time hanging out with his new friends from work.
I am new here, so I am far from an expert. But Puppy is often correct. And I find it strange that your H would leave you for nothing if there seemed to be no major issues in your M. Are his friends from work all guys?
Originally Posted By: Sad Girl
No, he has never had therapy, and yes, his family has issues. His mom and sister are whackos.
What do you mean by whacko? Have they been diagnosed with anything? Does he show any similiar traits?
Originally Posted By: Sad Girl
We have a full weekend planned, so I should be able to stop thinking about him. I do hope missing out on Halloween stabs him in the heart a bit.
I'm quickly getting to the point where I hope he comes back for the kids, but I don't need him.
Kids are D11, D10, D8 and S5
Go have a Happy Halloween with your kids. Try not to worry about him or what he is thinking this weekend. I have 2 girls 6 & 3, one is going out as the Wicked Witch of the West & the other is Dorothy.
I'll check out the thread on detachment. I must be getting pretty good, because I find myself laughing and smiling a lot more. I keep wondering why I'm not weeping, and other than my kids having a father, I guess I'm realizing that he is an ass.
We have issues, we argue A LOT. If it weren't for the torment my kids were going through, I wouldn't even care that he is gone. We actually spend very little time together. He comes home and starts playing a game about 2 hours after arrival.
Yes, these new work friends are all guys. Most of them 20-somethings.
I'm pretty sure his sister has neen diagnosed with depression, and all of them have alcohol issues. My H goes for long periods of time without drinking, then he starts hanging out with young people and turns into a frat boy.
I fully intend to have a great weekend. I smile at the idea that not being with his kids for T or T is gonna eat him alive. He loves that kind of stuff. Plus, he must feel like crap that they kids told him they didn't want to spend Halloween with him. Ouch. *evil grin*
Have fun with your girls. I bet they look adorable in their costumes.
