Hey Julia, Sounds to me like you are still DBing him?? Why dont you just be yourself and do and say whatever you feel? I dont suppose it would change the outcome and it may make you feel better. Also, why keep texting? Just give him a call next time. Be normal with him? You never know, he may be normal back!!
Yes, I think DBing is a very effective concept. Perhaps my outcome expectations are diiferent to before now - as in before my goal was to save my marriage however generally I see DBing as taking the most effective approach. If I had gone with my feelings I would have called him up, ranted at him for as it turned out no reason and the whole thing would have blown up into a massive deal. Or, more likely not said anything at all and hidden my feelings and brewed silent resentment. I also wanted to do something different as my approach to him previously was clearly not working. He does not commit to a time or date in a respectful time frame leaving everything to the last moment with me having no odea what is going on.
I will probably always DB in a lot of aspects of my life. Doing what works, or what will be most effective in producing the outcome I want instead of what my reaction to a situation is.
I take your point about being more normal with him. I will try harder with this one.
Thanks for stopping by. Yep, still in shock. I guess better now than later and perhaps one day when I find myself a guy, the shoe can be on the other foot.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I had a chat to my chairman today and it was really helpful as he could see something was up with me. He is a real 'tell it like it is kind of guy'. He told me I concern myself too much with why h does the things that he does, stop waiting for him to realise that his girlfriend is 'dog ugly and thick as two short planks' (his words ), stop worrying him and concentrate on the only person that matters - me.
He is right and it was good to hear it from a clear, non emotional, lay it on the line kind of way instead of having to work all this out by myself. My head gets too clouded with emotions.
So, I sent the final details to the solicitor and sent the court fees off so the divorce should be filed on Monday. I didn't do this because my chairman told me to but because I know that I need to get strong, be who I am and concentrate on me. I am sure this is still going to be a rollercoaster at times but I wasn't liking the person that I saw in the mirror, I had no respect for her. Now at least I can respect myself and know deep down in my heart that I did everything I could to save my marriage and that I deserve better.
He is right and it was good to hear it from a clear, non emotional, lay it on the line kind of way instead of having to work all this out by myself. My head gets too clouded with emotions.
Actually that phrasing was wrong I had worked it out for myself, he didn't tell me anything I didn't know. I meant to speak about it clearly without having the internal battle between my heart and my head.
Thanks Jeff I needed that hug, it's really annoying as for once I feel like totally letting go and crying (I never cry!!) but I can't because I am at work (and also going out tonight and don't want to look puffy!)
