Last night’s session is a bit of a blur, but it basically functioned as a debriefing session. As I suspected, the C was a bit more open without H there since he didn’t have to worry about driving him off.
It comes down to: • H will probably never see me as up to his standards • H needs help for his own personal issues to let go of his need for control, his sense of entitlement and sex issues • there is no acknowledgment of his own shortcomings in the marriage • H continues to project his own issues onto me • I have already sacrificed way too much to try to save this marriage • There really isn’t anymore that can be done or tried • I’ve been getting ready for this for a long time, I knew it was coming, so be strong and take that next step. Grieve the end of the M, but look forward to new possibilities away from H’s control.
There was more, but I think those were the main points. I filled the MC in on some of the details of what the lifestyle had been like (I gave him some vivid descriptions- of our first time and of one of the local clubs). I told him about what I had been learning on this website and how helpful it has been. While he hasn’t seen the site himself, he was familiar with MWD and her work and was very positive about it.
Gardner- I have been here about three months. It took a while for me to accept everything that people have said here. I have been in denial. Actually, I think I might still have some but I’m pushing forward anyways. I don’t dare risk staying in this M. I’ll just get hurt again.
I am definitely signing a lease tomorrow, but I think I want to set the possession date for 12/1. S18’s b-day is in the middle of the month, and I want to be here for Thanksgiving- we’re always the hosts for that because our house is the only one big enough for H’s family and I really want to see everybody. That also gives me time to tie up some loose ends/projects around the house.
I don’t feel real good right now- this is all still sinking in- but I'll get through it. Don't really have much of a choice, do I?
