Steve -- After she dropped my paying her legal costs, shaved 6 months off spousal support, and bought me some decent Bday gifts, I feel it would be stindgy to just have the kids do a card. For thanksgiving, her parents are taking her to Napa (while kids stay with me), so I thought of getting her a $40 gift card to the restaurant they're going to.
Whether its that or something else, I feel I should mirror the amount. My best friend thinks this may have been her tiny attempt to start being nice.
Ok...need quick advice tonite. Just to recap: My WAW spent $40 on my Bday last week (a book & some DVDs). Gifts were "from the kids!" But then she got mad when I didn't thank her personally within a few hours.
Tonite, when I dropped the kids off, my WAW disappeared to get our D2 to sleep. So I left the small gift bag I'd prepared with Hallmark cards from each of the kids. (I signed for them in crayon). Plus I mirrored her expenditure of gifts -- $20 giftcard for a restaurant she likes, and $25 giftcard for a spa/manicure. I made it clear they were all "from the kids."
I have to be out of town this weekend for a convention many hours away, so I'm missing the WAW's Bday. I suggested she take our D4 to Disneyland, since the WAW will enjoy free admission.
Here's her two responses:
Txt#1: "Had a question for you but you ran off like always...are you going to pay for (D4's) ticket to disneyland? Just curious. Please don't get me a gift." Evidently, she hadn't seen the gift bag yet.
Txt#2: "So that's a no to (D's) ticket? It was your idea"
I've been struggling with a lot of anger and resentment today, and unfortunately it fueled a blow up on the phone this afternoon including the following text from her: "When I look at you I despise you and can't stand you anymore...I don't even know who you are anymore. A stranger."
Now that I've given her nice birthday presents from the kids, I feel like she's demanding more (Disneyland) and insisting I deliver PRONTO!! Considering her SA destroyed our family and cost us our home, I feel I'm D'ing the most selfish brat on the planet.
"I've been struggling with a lot of anger and resentment today, and unfortunately it fueled a blow up on the phone this afternoon including the following text from her: "When I look at you I despise you and can't stand you anymore...I don't even know who you are anymore. A stranger.""
I'd skipped this birthday. To much hostility that hallmark cant fix.
why not a copy of the dvd, 'Unforgiven' with Clint Eastwood, thats a classic that everyone should have in their collection.
Airwolf. You are losing perspective. Look at how much time you spent on a birthday card and 2 gift cards! Do you put this much effort into getting the best mortgage rate possible? At the end of the day its a card that gets tossed and 2 gift cards. It was that before, as it is now, and will be afterwards. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! You can mask it anyway you want to yourself but you just broke rule #1. Back up! copy off the messages from your phone so you have a record of them. Then delete them from your phone.
Do not reply. Always remember that right now your the bad guy who ruined her life. So you can either agree with that and play her game. Or you can back away and let her have the anger and bitterness. Be a stone wall.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
