You are so right...it is a battle. Some days I win, some days I struggle to just to stand up. Last night we had such a fun convo in bed and we went to sleep on such a nice note. Then this morning he's like a different persona and I'm the enemy. I was all smiles anyway in front of him and my daughter and when they left I just sat down on the steps, head in hand and cried my eyes out.
It's sooo hard to be happy and up and perky when you are hurting sooo badly inside. It's almost like denying your feelings and it's never good to do that. I know we are supposed to be these super people that our spouses just can't resist but the truth of the matter is that they are hurting us..ALOT....why on earth would we be expected to walk around happy and acting like we're fine. We aren't fine. Not by a long shot. But, this is what people tell me is the only thing that seems to work so I'm doing it. My daughter needs me to fight and do the impossible so that she will NEVER have to miss one of us during a holiday. She deserves a two parent home. I brought her into this world and she looks to me to make the right decisions...and to my H too of course but right now he's not in his right mind so I need to be the sane one and bare the unbareable. If you asked me a year ago if I could endure this, I would've never said yes but I am...and I can..at least for today.
Gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
