First Piecing Thread

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Great stuff, Jack -- I agree.

And thanks. You've given me a lot to think about. I hope you'll keep peeking over here, and look for my thread when I start it. Cuz you're right -- it DOES require me to change a LOT about what I was doing before, even what was giving me SUCCESS has changed.

And I could use all the help I can get.

Puppy

[Dr LOve]

Ok Hope I need to get in on this..

ME the guy who has a hard time letting go if the OM. Me the guy that keeps taking steps backwards by bringing up R talk too soon. WOULD NOT DO THAT....YES I agree that if your wife wanted to do what was right (at least in our minds)she should but she should want to do this on her own...... That is not for you to decide for her.

your buddy
Doc

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys. No one has said anything I haven't thought about already, and just let me repeat, I NEVER SAID I WAS GOING TO FORCE HER TO APOLOGIZE. It was just going through my mind that maybe when we're talking about it sometime, I would casually ask W if she ever considered it.

I'm sure we'll have some more conversations about her A. NOT because I want to lord over her or anything like that, but to me, until I understand everything I NEED, I won't feel like I'm healed. And how can our marriage move forward with the intimacy we both want when EITHER of us aren't getting what we need to heal from this?

Don't worry, it's not like I have a zillion questions still in my head, and now, it's funny, but things that really bugged me even a short time ago, no longer do. But as an example, when W claims she told OM there had to be NC, she claims he said to her "I hope you guys can work it out". Now that bugs the F*** out of me. And I NEED to know what W thinks about that. What a great guy, he gets to sc*ew my W for 9 months, taking our marriage to the brink of disaster, ends his marriage and he's got the nads to say he hope we can work it out? I'm sure he does. He's done using her and has already moved on to the next victim and doesn't want some rabbit killer bugging him any longer, so he's the nice guy and wants us to work it out? The guy needs his azz kicked in a bad way.

Pup, I for one, would welcome you to piecing. You, WDID, Kat and others have been my biggest supporters, but our situations are so similar that I'd love to help each other out with these kinds of tricky situations.

WDID, I hear what you're saying. I don't think I want this so much for me as I could frickin care less whether OM apologizes to me or not. He's the one that will face his judgment, either in this life when some LBS who has less control than I do takes matters into his own hands, or the next. But if W would apologize to OMW, I feel like it would show me that she TRULY gets it. Not saying our recovery depends on this one thing, not by a long shot, but it sure would elevate our relationship to a higher level.

Thanks for the comment Doc. You're in a though spot and I'm not sure what to tell you to do so I've stayed off your sitch for a while. I still read along and think about your sitch often and you know I'm rooting for you. Keep your chin up.

Ok, enough of that. Yesterday W told me that the dik at work that was having an A with the lady in the lab, was fired. Not because of the A, but some other safety rules he violated. And its a good thing he was, because I'd have probably been fired myself if he was still employed. Let me explain. This guy, who has a wife and 3 kids, was having an A with another married lady at W's work. It was pretty common knowledge around her plant. So a couple days ago, this guy was walking down W's hall and saw the EGF sitting in her office. Now I don't have any special care what happens to EGF, but this dik said to another guy in W's dept, "hey, who's the lady with the long black hair?" This other guy said to him, "you don't want to go there, she just got married in June and don't go F'ing that up". And the dik replied "who cares if she's married?" Talk about someone that needs his azz kicked.

The one good thing is that when W and I were talking about it, W is the one that said "I just never realized that there were people in the world that have no respect for other people, as long as they get what they want". WOW, now there was a revelation I could hang on to.

Last night, W and I took S17 to S21's college for a visitation. We got down there and went to the coffee shop that S21 works at, had some dinner, talked for a while, dropped S17 and a buddy of his off at S21's house and then drove home. A nice 2 1/2 hour drive home, talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. We went to bed, snuggled, talked some more and then dozed off. An hour or so later, I wake up and it's apparent W is feeling a little frisky. A nice hour later we went to sleep for good . And talk about a good feeling. W is having her monthly fun, so we had to get a pretty inventive to take care of each other.

Boy how the times have changed.

Thanks for the support guys. And Jack, you're welcome to continue with the comments. I've not ready your sitch before, where is it so I can take a look?

H4U.

[saffie]

But if W would apologize to OMW, I feel like it would show me that she TRULY gets it.

You REALLY think it's about that? Feels to me like rubbing her nose in it. Sh!t, I am in the same position that you are but I think that is just a bit too much. Your W can feel bad about what she's done without that step. I don't believe she doesn't get it. But honestly, there must be a difference between her moral compass and yours because she DID cheat and she KNEW what she was doing at the time , and she DIDN'T give a rat's a$$ about OM's W at THAT time so why should she now? Feels to me that it would be about you seeing your W jump threw hoops to show YOU something.

I repeat, I live with the exact same sitch with my H. IF OW's H meant anything to him he would never have done it. What I have to worry about now is MY M and my R with my H and making sure the sitch that lead to my H having his A never repeats itself. If OW approached me to say she was sorry for what she had done I would probably do something unspeakable....because short of self combusting infront of me I would gain no satisfaction from it. The b!tch was calculating and she did the damage.....and she hurt my kids.....and if she approached me I would never believe she was saying anything honest to me. She KNEW what she was doing at the time. No apology needed. She showed me exactly what she thought to me by F'ing my H. I never want to hear from her or see her again. If I heard her voice it would just confirm she was still alive and breathing

For a long while I thought that I would like an apology from her and now I know it would just be insulting. How dare she think her apology would ever make me feel better about anything. Think about OM's W and how she might feel about that contact even if it did contain an apology. Urgh....it makes me shudder.

I know my H feels sorry for what he did. He feels sorry for how he has hurt me....and that is good enough for me. He shows ME and my kids how sorry he is. I think he was always sad that OW's H and kids were collateral damage but it would never have been enough to stop him.....and if he ever felt the need to have an A again I don't think he would look at it from another OW's H's perspective. When they go and do this cheating stuff they believe they are entitled,they feel hurt and are looking to self soothe for whatever reason........they really don't look at the bigger picture.

I am sorry if I speak harshly, but sometimes you have to let go and move on....even when things still rankle. You can obviously tell I still think OW is witch from hell.....I always will.......I had to place some stuff that I was still holding on to inside on to her, in order to forgive some of the stuff with my H. I take the blame for a lot of what led up to my H having his A....but that OW - well she was a piece of work - I would have like to say a classy piece of work but there was no class involved - just maipulation and greed, ( what woman abandons her own 7 and 5 yr old kids to take up with another man?).

[Hope4us]

I hear ya Saffie. And I understand where you're coming from.

And you're correct, we're in the same boat. OM in my sitch is a POS that cheated on his W 4-5 times that she knows about and since they live 1000 miles apart, you know there's more.

And it seems my W does now get the fact that OM was just a calculating predator. She said to me recently that once I told OMW, he immediately began distancing himself from her and all the B.S. he told her about being soulmates and wanting to marry her were just more manipulation.

Ok, I'll let it go. No more need to beat me up on the idea.

BTW, last night was EXCELLENT. Friday night when we took S17 to S21's school, W and I had large latte's with extra expresso in them. W didn't get to sleep until about 3 am Sat morning. So last night she was really tired. We went for a drive yesterday afternoon to enjoy the fall colors and when we got back, we sat on the couch watching some football.

W laid her head on my lap and fell asleep. And it was the best feeling EVER.

[Dr LOve]

W laid her head on my lap and fell asleep. And it was the best feeling EVER.

GREAT WORK HOPE...
Isn't it just amazing how something so little can mean so much..


Doc

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hope,

: ) I have about 7 thousands posts...so. Hell I wouldn't want to read it. There are in the MLC archives.

I can sum up.
Together 6 years.
Married 3
Two boys. (at the time 10 and 6)
Wife had an MLC. I help destroy her self esteem by getting lost in computer games and generally not being around.
Like most people unaware of how bad it was getting and caught totally off guard. W had affair with at the time best friend.
Seperated.
She begged one last chance.
Began Piecing.
Lived seperately for over a year, but acted like we were married.
Rebuilt our marriage.
Better than ever...seriously better than ever.

My first posts all are ...wide eyed naive wonder and fluffy bunny hope. ; ). But I always knew I would be that number 1 in the 1 in a million or billion or gazillion.

My experience as an LBS is with MLC.
But I was a WAH once as well.

[Hope4us]

Only have a couple minutes and we're leaving for Fla tomorrow morning, but I wanted to post.

Oh how the times have changed. The other night W told me her password for her work PC. I didn't even ask and she told me. She also told me about her Facebook account and signed on with me right there. She had no friends, so I made her a friend. She told me the only reason she got the account is so she could keep an eye on the kids. She did ask me who all my friends are that I have on FB and I told her that every one of them were friends I made online on a support group website. I didn't tell her which one yet, but she didn't have a problem with it at all.

Gotta go. I'll post when we return from the land of the mouse.

[fightingirish]

Have fun Hope... Miss talking with you! Have a great trip...

[JAK58]

Have fun Hope!


JAK