An affair is intoxicating to many cheaters. It is a high. No matter what people tell you here....from the early party poppers/welcome back H/congratulations/he wants you back....you are still in a very dangerous place. You know this. Facts:
1)H just spent 3 years with a woman, lied about it, treated you with disrespect and violated your vows. This doesn't go away in a few weeks.
2) The recidivism rate is extremely high and ALL BOOKS on infidelity put the 'onus' of the work on the infidelitous spouse. They MUST committ to do the work and accept their responsibility for the marriage to heal.
3) Trust is destroyed when an affair occurs. You will live with suspicion..be susceptible to snooping...etc...unless your H can rebuild the bridge.
Kalni..you KNOW already that this is serious business now. I"m sorry if I become repetitive or come across as the 'party pooper' but your heart and your emotional health are at stake. You know that I respect and support you but CONTINUE TO USE CAUTION and PLEASE keep the 'Welcome Home Husband' posters at arms length for now.
Most men, who TRULY wanted their W's back after making a mistake...would know how to accept the blame, make amends, show the love, etc. It takes time. Although I see 'hope' from your posts, I am NOT yet convinced that your H is capable of doing the work. I'm not sure that he has it in him.
Remember...WE...are not there in Greece with you. I guess my only advice for now is TAKE YOUR TIME.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
