Yes sometimes these fights are necessary. Sometimes we do have to release our feelings.
However, you are trying to talk yourself into feeling something and doing something that you are not ready for. You are not ready to let him go. It is obvious. But you are also not ready for him to return to you.
Yes you get the principal of DB now. Are you ready to put it into action?
Not for your H, not for your M, but for you?
Are you ready to start BEING that better person and ACTING like that better person?
Are you ready to look in the mirror?
Yes, your H did some horrible things. He did. No arguing that. Guess what, so did mine, so did Jack’s W, BND—her H was really a hard one. We all have our stories. We all have dealt with our feelings about it in our own ways. Ways that helped us, not our marriages.
Do those actions make him a monster? At the moment yes. Underneath that, is the man you married and had children with a monster? Or was he a basically good man who is now going through something? Although I would classify my H as a generally hard man, I would not say he was always the monster he has become through this.
Yes, I too felt the MLC excuse anger and frustration. I would venture to say many of us here have. It isn’t fair, it makes no sense, and yes you are right, many people have dealt with their childhood issues differently than MLC.
Me, I became a mommy to beat all mommies. I have a S15, who, to my credit knows lots of love, has a good and strong mind, and knows how to ask for what he wants and speak about his feelings. To my shame, is still very much reliant on me for things that a child his age should not be. (room cleaning, making his lunch, etc…) That was a direct result of my own fears of abandonment. A direct result of having parents who were lacking in certain areas. So I gave my S what I always wanted.
You can’t force any of this Aug. Within you or within your H. You don’t know what God’s plan is for you, but you can learn. If you slow down and shift your focus a bit. Everything will start to become very clear if you can do that.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
