Hope - I've been keeping up with your thread and it seems that we are both making some changes. Good for us huh? It also seems like we both have setbacks now and then too though.
As I was out working on G'ma's house yesterday W called and something hit me funny. (She's back to giddy happy now.) She didn't really say or do anything significant, but she acts like all is normal...for buddies, not husband and wife. Something hit me though. That kick to the gut feeling just came back for a couple of hours.
I hate that feeling.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Hope - I've been keeping up with your thread and it seems that we are both making some changes. Good for us huh? It also seems like we both have setbacks now and then too though.
As I was out working on G'ma's house yesterday W called and something hit me funny. (She's back to giddy happy now.) She didn't really say or do anything significant, but she acts like all is normal...for buddies, not husband and wife. Something hit me though. That kick to the gut feeling just came back for a couple of hours.
I hate that feeling.
So, what is the core reason you are having that feeling? Is that reason a reasonable thought/position? If not, then your thought needs to change to a reasonable one, and your emotions will follow.
Thought drives emotion, not the other way around. I suspect your W's attitude triggered a thought in you that triggered your negative emotion.
I agree with GIMA, I didn't read in your post any reason for the "kick in the gut" feeling. Friendship is a very very important part of a marriage. Truthfully, I believe that it was what my W missed the most when we were seperated. "Buddy status" is good. It allows for communication to build back a marriage. Good stuff is goin on for you. Focus on that. The successful ones on this board are the ones that look at the positive parts of their situation.
My H also was acting like friends again last night. It was amazing. He offered me a beer and took a walk to the store for some ice cream. I think these are really good. And just enjoy it without pressure, while still keeping focus on your independent life.
BTW I'm still trying to figure out how to use pogo.com so we can play a game or two!
There was no reason for the feeling really. Just one of those "wow, this is really happening" moments. It felt like this will be our interactions from now on. We'll only talk if it's regarding S.
I'm having a hard time wanting to be her friend right now. Still feeling somewhat resentful. It's hard to be someone's "buddy" when they treat you like @!#$. I know I need to work through it, but that's what I am dealing with.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
I'm having a hard time wanting to be her friend right now. Still feeling somewhat resentful. It's hard to be someone's "buddy" when they treat you like @!#$. I know I need to work through it, but that's what I am dealing with.
Being able to forgive and detach does not meaning that you must remain their friend, or best buddies.
Over time, your relationship may normalize around being the best parents you can for your son and being civil for his sake. That's not a bad thing.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I'm having a hard time wanting to be her friend right now. Still feeling somewhat resentful. It's hard to be someone's "buddy" when they treat you like @!#$. I know I need to work through it, but that's what I am dealing with.
Being able to forgive and detach does not meaning that you must remain their friend, or best buddies.
Over time, your relationship may normalize around being the best parents you can for your son and being civil for his sake. That's not a bad thing.
