But I'm afraid now he feels justified again that I'm not worth coming back to because "I haven't changed."
Haven't changed what, Hope? Not noticing that someone hit your car when you weren't even there? One could almost reword that sentence to read "But I'm afraid now he feels justified again that I'm not worth coming back to because 'I'm human.'"
Take a closer look at that sentence: "I'm afraid," "he feels justified" "I'm not worth coming back to," "I haven't changed." Such negative self talk. Don't do that to yourself. Are you in IC?
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Feeling so mad at myself.
Why, Hope? What did you do wrong?
Loving, gentle 2x4s,
Thank you for the gentle bonk on the head.
No I'm not at fault for being hit - it's the "not noticing" that I was hit that freaks him out. I had been tired, it was night, and I was emotional having just come from a support group. I did not notice the scratches on the side of my car.
The fact that I did not notice (and again, see tonight's other mistake = spill on the stereo) demonstrate a pattern that he has defined me in - that I'm careless and don't pay attention and that will lead to some kind of disaster.
I'm working on my inner peace and positive self talk. Reminding myself that you are right = I'm human. I am a bit careless and forgetful. But so what. I have other gifts. My mantra today was "I may be a bit careless, but at least I'm not an A$$HOLE!"
and I am changing. I'm working to be more careful and responsible. I'm also working on not letting him put me in a space of shame and self doubt.He still tells himself that "I'm not changing" but hey neither is he. And until he can be a more forgiving, nice person, who is he to criticize?
Why am I mad at myself? I'm not changing fast enough It's hard when you see yourself making the same stupid unconscious mistakes over and over. And I feel like every time I don't make a 180 is another day away from luring my H back by the new and improved me.
But maybe the real change here is to not take his crap anymore! Seems to be working. Thanks friends for the constant reminders.
It's hard when you see yourself making the same stupid unconscious mistakes over and over. And I feel like every time I don't make a 180 is another day away from luring my H back by the new and improved me.
