Hi there...just wanted to chime in with a different perspective on the match gal.
The thing is, if she thought (or even highly hoped) that you two were dating exclusively, then it is actually very rude behavior for you to be looking at other profiles. Now, it sounds to me like you and she never explicitly said you were exclusively dating...but she may have taken things that way in her head and heart. If you've been out of the dating pool for a while, you may not be aware that this is actually very bad dating manners, to be still surfing for other dates while you are exclusive with someone.
I know you said you only contacted BobbiJo, but you also said you were reading new profiles...that means surfing for other dates. How else would someone you are exclusively dating take it? I mean, that's the case, isn't it? That you are surfing other profiles to see if there is any interest? I know it seems very innocent, but I would advise you (and everyone else who is newly dating again) to really learn about this online dating ettiquette so that there are not misunderstandings about this type of thing.
Basically, if you are not exclusively dating, you need to make sure they know this. Do not lead them on and say anything that would make them think you are exclusive. You don't have to share any details about anyone else you are seeing, and don't say something insulting like "I'd like to keep my options open". Typically all that is needed is something like "I likely will not become exclusive with anyone until we've dated at least 4 or 5 months, I think it takes that long to really get to know someone well enough to know if you want to date exclusively." This lets the person know upfront and for sure, so that if they are watching you on match, and you are checking out other profiles, they won't freak out.
If you leave it up in the air and kind of ambiguous, it is easy for someone you are dating to assume you are exclusive, and then get their feelings hurt when something like this happens.
The other thing is this: if you are having sex with someone, and you are not exclusive, it is even more important to make sure they know you are not exclusive, so they can make a decision NOT to sleep with you knowing that there is a risk you may also be sleeping with other people.
In this case, it sounds like she only assumed you are exclusive, but it still hurt her feelings because she felt like you betrayed her (by hunting for other dates). I read a lot of other message boards that deal with the dating world, and this kind of thing is something that hurts a lot of people, so it is always best to establish exactly what your dating goals are upfront.
When you do find someone you want to be exclusive with, then you have the talk with them and make sure they are on board with that. Then it is best to hide or delete your profile.
I know it seems odd, but this is the world we are in today. Don't forget that when you say you are "just looking and didn't contact anyone", but if that person thinks you are exclusive with them, then why would you even be looking? Its an insult at a minimum and a betrayal at the maximum...because most people aren't "just looking" when they say they are...they are also dating and contacting.
All you have to do to avoid this is make it clear upfront!
Sorry to chime in. I'm not saying you should keep seeing this woman or not. I just wanted to defend her because she possibly isn't the possessive freak she may have sounded like. Instead, she may have sincerely liked you and sincerely thought you two were exclusive.
There hadn't been anything said, but I so expect she thought we were exclusive. And I could understand her being upset over that. I have a lot more trouble dealing with her accusing me of lying, and telling me I was full of crap when I told her exactly what I had done.
But, the next time, I will be much more careful to make sure that the question of exclusiveness is discussed early on.
The one lady I see occasionally was the one to set the record staight early on - she wanted me to date others and that she wants to just be friends for now with the possiblity of it growing into something later on. Her current thoughts about getting serious with anyone again, to the point of marriage, is on a 5 year time frame. By that time, she and I will both be old enough to live in King City or Charbonneau.
And she also stated that once she becomes intimate with someone that she would not be dating others. I have that same exact attitude.
OK, absurdity has set in. I got an email this morning, she says that Match claims I've been on in the past 24 hours. I haven't been on since Sunday. It might not matter in this case, anymore, but it would be nice to know what the heck is going on! BobbiJo, can you see what it says for you? I'm wondering if she needs to reload the page. I don't know what's going on, but it's making me look bad!
