So I somehow survived my 41st Bday yesterday. It began with a 4-way mtg between my WAW, her L, and my L. (This is Calif. Collaborative Law, wherein it is cheaper and more civil than a drag out divorce litigation.)
In 90 minutes we managed to speed through agreeing to a financial settlement and a custody arrangement. We're splitting community prop 50-50, and rather than deal with the headache of splitting our airline mileage, my WAW and her L offered to cut back my spousal support obligations from 3.5 to just 3 years. Woohoo!!! How often do you get a $4,200 cash rebate from your WAW!
My custody remains as much as I can manage now -- 3 weekends/mo, 1-on-1 father-child date-nites on Monday evenings (rotating the three kids each week), and then all 3 kids Wed. nites.
The Ls told us the D will be ready to file with the court after our next meeting in 3 weeks. I guess this is what they call a QUICKIE divorce. A began 8/23. S on 9/4. D filed 10/12. Thankfully we have until April before we'll officially be single again.
But here's the kicker ----- maybe it was because it was my 41st birthday, and I was haunted all day by the memory of the amazing, all-out 40th party my W threw for me last year ---- but yesterday was the worst birthday I've ever had. Tears all day long (thankfully not @ the law office).
I know we've all been on the roller coaster, but the last two days I've lost all desire to stick it out in hopes of R. In speaking with my WAW's former best friend last nite (former because she told my WAW she was making a huge mistake) I really started to view my WAW's problems as deeply psychological, borderline psychiatric. (And I'm not reading into things here to make myself feel better. The extent of the lies, deceit and paranoia that everyone in town will judge her, is simply frightening.)
It makes me begin to think that R would only bring more suffering for my 3 kids and me, and perhaps we have better prospects for health and happiness away from my WAW, perhaps in a few years with a new W. I really hate to say that after clinging on to R hopes for the last 2 months.
I still hope she someday sees the light, but I guess I've now officially dropped the rope.
So back to the point of my thread. She did get me a book and a compilation of DVDs. It demonstrated she gave some definite thought to what I would enjoy. And I got an angry text this afternoon for not thanking her for them -- though I hadn't had a chance to talk to her since last nite. She also had the kids make a nice card for me, which I hung in my office today.
So in light of all that, what should I get her for her Bday next week? Should I just help the kids make a card? Or should I also mirror an equal degree of gift (about $40)?
Remember, FWIW she and her L shaved $4,200 off the spousal support, and backed off my paying their legal fees too. So maybe I should go the extra mile and spend $42!
(sorry, a little humor is helping me cope right now)
