My WAW and I are in initial stages of D. I'm GALing and investing a lot in the evenings and weekends I have with our 3 small kids - D4, D2, S2 (twins!). She gets them for Christmas and I have them for Thanksgiving.
My question is what/whether to get my W anything for her Bday next week. Part of our problem is that I never invested much thought into gifts for her. Wish I had. May have prevented the unloved, unappreciated conditions that led to her SA -- which now appears to be over.
Anyway, her parents are taking her to Napa Valley for a week of wine tasting over Thanksgiving. I've thought about getting her a $25 gift card at her favorite restaurant up there, and a $25 gift card to her favorite place here in our town (where we used to go for our infrequent date nites).
Or should I detach completely and just get her a simple card?
An interesting wrinkle (or guide) will be to see what if anything she does for my own Bday which is the day after tomorrow.
Picture of the kids and a card. Make the gift from the children. Nothing from you except the card - also signed by the kids.
This is the new relationship - you share children. You help the children honor mom.
Greek
I agree, something from the kids is always safe and you setup a pattern of behavior with the kids to respect their parents regardless of the marital situation.
I couldn't have said it better...My wife's 40th bday comes up december 15th. My wife and mother of 3 young sons says she is getting a stripper pole for her and her girlfriends in a bar...Her midlife crisis has come screaming out of the closet. Don't get her anything. A gift from the kids-that is all and let them pick it out.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
So I somehow survived my 41st Bday yesterday. It began with a 4-way mtg between my WAW, her L, and my L. (This is Calif. Collaborative Law, wherein it is cheaper and more civil than a drag out divorce litigation.)
In 90 minutes we managed to speed through agreeing to a financial settlement and a custody arrangement. We're splitting community prop 50-50, and rather than deal with the headache of splitting our airline mileage, my WAW and her L offered to cut back my spousal support obligations from 3.5 to just 3 years. Woohoo!!! How often do you get a $4,200 cash rebate from your WAW!
My custody remains as much as I can manage now -- 3 weekends/mo, 1-on-1 father-child date-nites on Monday evenings (rotating the three kids each week), and then all 3 kids Wed. nites.
The Ls told us the D will be ready to file with the court after our next meeting in 3 weeks. I guess this is what they call a QUICKIE divorce. A began 8/23. S on 9/4. D filed 10/12. Thankfully we have until April before we'll officially be single again.
But here's the kicker ----- maybe it was because it was my 41st birthday, and I was haunted all day by the memory of the amazing, all-out 40th party my W threw for me last year ---- but yesterday was the worst birthday I've ever had. Tears all day long (thankfully not @ the law office).
I know we've all been on the roller coaster, but the last two days I've lost all desire to stick it out in hopes of R. In speaking with my WAW's former best friend last nite (former because she told my WAW she was making a huge mistake) I really started to view my WAW's problems as deeply psychological, borderline psychiatric. (And I'm not reading into things here to make myself feel better. The extent of the lies, deceit and paranoia that everyone in town will judge her, is simply frightening.)
It makes me begin to think that R would only bring more suffering for my 3 kids and me, and perhaps we have better prospects for health and happiness away from my WAW, perhaps in a few years with a new W. I really hate to say that after clinging on to R hopes for the last 2 months.
I still hope she someday sees the light, but I guess I've now officially dropped the rope.
So back to the point of my thread. She did get me a book and a compilation of DVDs. It demonstrated she gave some definite thought to what I would enjoy. And I got an angry text this afternoon for not thanking her for them -- though I hadn't had a chance to talk to her since last nite. She also had the kids make a nice card for me, which I hung in my office today.
So in light of all that, what should I get her for her Bday next week? Should I just help the kids make a card? Or should I also mirror an equal degree of gift (about $40)?
Remember, FWIW she and her L shaved $4,200 off the spousal support, and backed off my paying their legal fees too. So maybe I should go the extra mile and spend $42!
(sorry, a little humor is helping me cope right now)
