I'm new wondering if this works...

[Gardener]

Hope,

Then I ruined it

How? I fail to see what you did.

H also doesn't believe me and thinks I hit something and was lying about it.

That must hurt. A simple boundary statement on this kind of disbelief and assumptions on his part might be useful.

So I'm staying more calm than usual - I walked away from the discussion.

Good. But did you tell him why you were walking away (boundary)?

But I'm afraid now he feels justified again that I'm not worth coming back to because "I haven't changed."

Haven't changed what, Hope? Not noticing that someone hit your car when you weren't even there? One could almost reword that sentence to read "But I'm afraid now he feels justified again that I'm not worth coming back to because 'I'm human.'"

Take a closer look at that sentence: "I'm afraid," "he feels justified" "I'm not worth coming back to," "I haven't changed." Such negative self talk. Don't do that to yourself. Are you in IC?

Feeling so mad at myself.

Why, Hope? What did you do wrong?

Loving, gentle 2x4s,