Mark I am probably the least experienced person on this site but I will say this, women view secrets as lies regardless of intent so I would tell her before she finds out through other channels. It is important to let her that you found a job in her town and you wanted her to know so it would not be a surprise, awkward and that so she does not think that you are being deceitful. One thing I do know having 4 sisters is women can take a lot of mistakes from men, especially men they are in love with but that is with the condition that they trust you. I am not sure this helps but it is definitely what I would do. Tell her. You don't need to make a big production out of it but let her know.
Ok Mark, I have been super busy, congrats on the job! I think that I would just mention it in passing. But, dont be surprised if she balks. And if she does, dont engage it.
This brings me to your question earlier about whether you should be consolling her. I say no, not consolling, but validating instead. She very likely just needs you to listen. Say that you understand that shes upset- if she starts to flip out because of the job then you need to just say that you understand that shes upset, and why shes upset. Dont try to defend yourself, just let her know that you recognize her feelings. Dont let her abuse you either! Seriously, this is a big one, if she starts attacking you, get off the phone, leave the room, whatever you need to do.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Boom! Big update to come. And it is big and not a good one.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Last friday I tried to kill myself. Badly. I texted my wife when I thought it was too late but apparently it wasn't and I'm here to tell about it.
I was held for almost a week getting a lot of counseling and did a lot of work on myself. In a lot of ways it was a positive thing. My W was very hurt but helped out a lot throughout.
The upshot is that I'm fine and very ashamed but I'm working toward being a stronger person, a stronger man and a stronger father. I also gained some much needed perspective and got in touch with important resources.
I wouldn't recommend this course to anyone but it has sped up my growth tremendously.
I do humbly apologize to those here who have been trying to help me. I feel I've let many of you down by doing this.
I don't know how to gauge this in terms of helping a reconciliation but I think it has hurt my chances somewhat... I do however have a clearer view of how to proceed from here.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
I'm doing that, br. That is the no 1 goal at this point.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
I'm staying at my sister's for the weekend then I'm off to homelessness. Get a job, stay at the shelter and go from there while working to rebuild my sanity and my pride.
So, no big Halloween plans. Maybe I'll call the girls and W to say happy anniversary.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
