I have been mentally stuck on this woman since the day I saw her, before she even walked over to me.
My mind will not release her and no it's not an obsession, it's almost like thinking of her is like a drug.
Make sense??
I mean the stuff she's pulling I can deal with.I just can't get my mind to let her go.
Thursday meet with shrink to see what I need to do about that. I talked to him last wk about it and he's basically said the same thing you have about do this and this for myself,but no solution to stop thinking of her.
How does my mind let her go?I've even tried to get mad and angry and nope still happy thoughts!!
I have been mentally stuck on this woman since the day I saw her, before she even walked over to me.
My mind will not release her and no it's not an obsession, it's almost like thinking of her is like a drug.
Make sense??
I have no idea what your talking about. I couldn't tell you that when I first met my wife she was wearing a red velvet dress and her hair was all frazzled and she had these slim glasses and that her voice was raw from the concert she went to the night before...
Nope...none.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ditto.I couldn't say that my H's first words to me were "So, this is the infamous Grace". With a smile that still melts my heart.I couldn't say that he was wearing blue pants and a black t-shirt.
That your mind doesn't let go in some ways is one thing. Your actions are another. Thinking of her can't keep you from doing what you need to.
You don't necessarily have to stop thinking or loving your wife. What you have to do is more put those feelings in a closed box. One that can only be opened with a key that she provides. Example-My wife and I occasionally talk about the relationship. I learned long ago I can't bring up the topic because it will go bad even if my intentions are good and validating her point. Every now and then the opposite happens and she brings up the situation. I keep my mouth shut, opinions close, and validate what I can. Those conversations are constructive as she allows me a view into her world. She really doesn't care about my world so there is no reason to bring it up. All other times I keep our relationship closed in my mind and concentrate on house and kids....no discussions about us. It is really about self-control and discipline really.
To multiple and make the problem worse for you...is your diagnosed ADD. You are back to focusing on her....much more than is normal (or so I am told because it is my normal...lol). That is why GAL'ing is so important...you need to get your focus elsewhere....not on her.
I have faith,hope and love. I need to develop patience. I printed off the definition and have it to look at now.
My mind's starting to come back alittle more each day.
The tough part about this is she felt like she could never tell me "NO." Now she's got no trouble with it.
I guess it is just a waiting game and court game now. I did everything she asked,dropped the direct tv,refi'd hse,paid off her debt,sold the car,moved my other car,spent all our money. I read her petition,she had planned this back in august and the suzuki she wanted me to help her with was incl'd as a debt for me. I had sold that a week before she filed and she knew it.What a smart MLC'er.
I paid off all her debt in August. And put a lot of money in the checking acct. On the promise of her saying "I don't want a divorce, you're a good guy, I just need my space, I want to be with you for 60 yrs to infiniti, we're going to laugh about all this one day. I hope we make it thru this, too."
What I'm just now finding out from my family is in July right after she asked me to leave she was wavering and what I found out from the bad cnslr was in August she said "part of her wanted a divorce and part of her didn't. I need time to sort things out." And in July she told me not to file or give up on her and be patient and help her relieve any debt, so I did.
I dropped off S and was going to get a water and a smoke at a bar down the st, guess who walked outside as I was getting ready to walk in.
Yep you guessed it! Couldn't believe it, I just turned around, looked up and said "WTF you got to be kidding me." Got in my car and left. I'm sure she thinks I was "stalking" her, but I wasn't, she finished her smoke and went back inside,maybe she didn't see me,who knows.
DOES A MLC'er hurt every night, do they get any relief?
She texted me about a school concert in Dec and she has to go out of town next wk.
All I texted back was OK Thank You and have fun.
I'm not quite right at work yet, but man I have learned a lot, too bad she's too ticked off to see what I've learned about myself.
Definately need to work on the listening to people. Not just you guys,my whole life has been off of a gut feeling, i sense how people feel or there wants then I just spring into action vs hearing what they say.
